International Friendship Day: 8 inspiring women share the power of female friendships and sisterhood

How do you maintain healthy female friendships amidst everything else in your life?
Like any friendship in life, being genuine, giving respect and making time [are key]. As we all live busy lives, especially in a city like Hong Kong, I try to always prioritise time for true friendships.  

Any advice for women looking to form new friendships as adults?
You can only be yourself with others if you want those relationships to last.

What advice would you give to young women/ your children when it comes to creating strong female friendships?
I have two sons, and I always make sure that they see mum and dad as equals when it comes to the choices we make in life. I don't particularly emphasize gender, but I make sure they treat their friends—whether girls or boys—with respect and a tender heart.  

What do you value most in your female friendships?
The first is honest sharing. I’m lucky to have very deep relationships where we can be vulnerable and open. Trust is crucial. Second is quality time. Girlfriends celebrate each other and care for each other. I love spending time together, creating new memories and I’m so grateful to just connect in person or virtually to simply catch up. Finally, information exchange: I truly value the sharing of insights, tips and suggestions among my amazing circle of girlfriends, whether it’s about work, education, lifestyle or family. I learn so much from them.

How have your female friendships evolved as you’ve gotten older?
They span more distance. Being from the US but having lived in Hong Kong for more than 30 years, I find my friends increasingly scattered in different parts of the world.  I would also say that my friendships now span more generations. The older you get, the easier it is to relate to both the older and younger generations. Last, my friendships have become more sisterly. I have a family of boys and a brother so I treasure close female friends like sisters.

Any advice for women looking to form new friendships as adults?
We are all constrained by time. Having regular meet-ups or gatherings gives an opportunity for friendships to develop. Consider seeking out people with similar hobbies or interests. For example, if you’re into exercise, consider joining XYZ [an indoor spin class] or a run club, sports clinic or hiking group. Meetup.com has a big following. If you’re spiritually inclined, join a fellowship group or if you’re Christian-curious, an Alpha class. If you have young kids, get involved as a school volunteer. Are you a foodie? If so, get like-minded people together for a periodic meal. Do you work solo? There are a number of women’s associations for networking and skill enhancement. Be willing to share more, laugh at yourself and give off good energy.

What do you value most in your female friendships?
I am very lucky to have a wonderful circle of girlfriends. I truly value every single one of them and feel grateful to have them in my life. I appreciate that we genuinely care for each other’s well-being, share our joys and sorrows, and offer unconditional support.  It’s mutual respect and the freedom to be oneself without fear of judgement. We uplift each other, celebrate our successes and most importantly provide comfort whenever needed.  I always have a smile when I see my girlfriends. There is plenty of laughter and some of my happiest moments are spent with them.  I like to keep an open heart with everyone. It’s been a lifetime full of special memories and hopefully many more to come.

What do you value most in your female friendships?
In all of my relationships, I value being surrounded by people that push me to do and be better. I love the women in my life who shout loudly for each other at every turn and continue to lift each other up. I love their perspective and compassion.

How have your female friendships evolved as you’ve gotten older?
As I get older, I recognise more and more how precious time is and how that time is spent and with who. Each day is a gift and I would like to spend it in a way that radiates good vibes, good times and high vibrations with people who I feel genuinely connected to. These days, late nights are a rarity for me, so I love nothing more than an early morning hike with a girlfriend, or sweating it out together at Family Form [The Upper House's mat-based workout class] or having a smoothie or a salad together at [the hotel's restaurant] Salisterra after.  Our Girls Night runs with Shelter Athletics on Monday evenings is another favourite to connect outdoors with old and new girlfriends. Both Family Form and Shelter Athletics have such an amazingly diverse community of truly great women. They are beautiful humans inside and out that share similar values and goals. I feel deeply grateful to be part of this tribe.

How do you maintain healthy female friendships amidst everything else in your life?
I am very lucky to still count my childhood besties amongst my nearest and dearest after nearly 30 years of friendship—they are friends that you may not see as often due to geographical distance but when you do it feels like you haven’t missed a beat and you know that they are always there. They are always the biggest champions and sisters through the ups and downs life throws at me.

It’s wonderful to also have friendships which have steadily deepened over time. These are the ones that I am incredibly fortunate to get to see and spend time with through our Upper House community, and have since become my extended family in Hong Kong.

What do you value most in your female friendships?
I don’t have sisters and I didn’t grown up around an extended family. My female friends are the closest experience to having sisters and female cousins in every possible way. I love that we have been there for the significant chapters in each other’s lives: boyfriends, breakups, marriages, babies, divorce, death and more. 

I don’t get to see my female friends as often as I’d like to, as we are at that stage in our lives where everyone has one thing or another to deal with—from kids, spouses, aging parents and busy careers, to dealing with health conditions or living in different cities. But when we do see each other, I love that we are able to pick up from where we’ve left off, as though we were never apart in the first place. 

What are the key ingredients for a lasting female friendship?
In order for any deep friendships to last, it needs the fundamentals— trust, love, support and compassion. That aside, I am a firm believer of the following:  1. Accept each other’s flaws and celebrate each other’s differences because life is a whole lot more fun when there are differing points of view, ways of doing things, interests and obsessions! 
2. Knowing when to say you are sorry, because arguments and squabbles are bound to happen; what happens after is the true test. 3. Knowing when to show up for each other—and when to back off.

What advice would you give to young women/ your children when it comes to creating strong female friendships?
Friendship is a two-way street and my advice is to approach it like an open embrace. Like any other relationship in life, friendship needs care and attention, so treat it with respect, honesty and trust. Most importantly, stand by each other through the good and bad times.

Any advice for women looking to form new friendships as adults?
Be yourself. Sometimes it’s tempting to pretend to be someone else to make friends, but this approach typically attracts the wrong kind of connections. Maintaining a façade is not only exhausting but also unsatisfying in the long run. True friendship goes beyond surface-level appearances and can have a profound impact on your life. This will naturally draw in individuals who will appreciate and value you for who you truly are, and vice-versa! You wouldn’t want to build friendships around people who aren’t really themselves around you.

Read more: How Women of Hong Kong Is Building a Community of Likeminded Ladies

How do you maintain healthy female friendships amidst everything else in your life?
Maintaining healthy female friendships amidst the business of life requires openness, understanding and flexibility. In the past, I was afraid to be honest with friends when I couldn’t commit to obligations because they didn’t have children or didn’t run their own business. Those friendships faded over time, but it made space for new connections that complimented my lifestyle. Now, I prioritise friendships with women who relate to my schedule as a single parent and entrepreneur. My friendships now thrive on empathy—we understand each other’s priorities. I’ve learnt that being upfront about my limits allows me to have guilt-free friendships.

What advice would you give to young women / your children when it comes to creating strong female friendships?There’s so much I want to share! Remember, everyone wants authentic love, support and respect—this is what you must give to people you want to be friends with in order to strengthen bonds. Be there in their moments of need, while maintaining your own boundaries. Healthy competition is good, but there is room for everyone, even at the top. Don’t forget to celebrate their wins as you walk this path of friendship— it’s essential to building trust. And be honest in the kindest way, even if it hurts them. You might be the only one brave enough to tell them truths they may not want to hear, but if you love them, you need to share what others won’t.

How do you maintain healthy female friendships amidst everything else in your life?
Female friendships are important for our mental health so I make sure to create some space in my weekly calendar to catch up and deepen my bond with them.  Of course, there are ups and downs and we might not always agree on things, but overall these friendships help me to grow on many levels as it is easier to feel vulnerable with another female than it is with a male. It is important to embrace discomfort in our relationships as it's a sign that we are challenging ourselves for  the better. 

How are your female friendships different from other relationships in your life?
After my family, my friends are a priority. Friends are family that we choose and my female friendships help me to self-reflect as a female entrepreneur. They also help with emotions, love life challenges and so on. Female friendships are full of empathy because we relate on many levels.

Any advice for women looking to form new friendships as adults?
Having similar core values like honesty and communication are important. But most importantly being respected, feeling safe and heard with that new friend is what we need to pay attention to. The rest will follow naturally if the friendship is meant to be.

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