Father’s Day 2024: Six dads who go beyond traditional fatherhood

Things eventually changed when Aivee started taking more control in raising the kids. Conversations became more open, and the kids found Z to be their friend to confide in. “That was also a kind of experiment for myself— to see whether I still need to carry on being strict. The funny thing is, they’re already well-behaved after seven to eight years. They just went on by themselves, and I hardly scolded them. We became more like friends talking about football,” Z says.

As fans of Liverpool FC, Z brought the boys to matches. Just a couple of years ago, Z and Ken-Z bonded over a game at the Emirates Stadium in London, and then last month, he took Kenzo on a road trip to Liverpool to watch a game.

When Kelicia came along, everything changed again. As their only daughter, Kelicia was “the one who brought everyone together, like the little cherry on a cake”, Z describes. Bringing in the drama, stories and sweetness, Z enjoys having conversations with this little bundle of joy.

Used to visiting their parents’ clinics and following them to their medical missions, the kids have already shown interest in following in their parents’ footsteps. “I think it’s going to be one of my dreams to attend a medical conference, where all five of us will learn and be passionate about our work and travel together,” Z says.

Z appreciates the pandemic for making them a tight-knit family, as most were forced to stay home. They cooked, ate together and enjoyed quality time, including reading the Bible. “I see that as a formative crucial period where I think we were able just to pause and focus on what’s important,” says Z, while also being sensitive to the adversary it caused to the rest of the population. In that dark period, when the family held on to each other for support, new additions shone a light in their home—giant poodles Cairo, Berlin, Paris and Oslo.

Read also: Step into the home of Drs Aivee and Z Teo

Racial differences are relatively easy for this renowned chef’s family. Just look at how they celebrate two Christmases, including Swedish and British holidays. British-Filipino Josh Boutwood and his Swedish wife, Nina, raised their children Malaya, 15, and Phoenix, turning eight this July, in a home environment rooted in their respective heritage, imbued with Filipino family values.

“Starting our family at age 22 made me and my wife grow up much faster because of the amount of responsibility that parenthood gave us,” Josh recalls.

Working in a high-pressure environment, Josh tends to be the stricter parent “with zero tolerance for misbehaviour”. However, he tries to balance this tactically at home, for he is confident that his children don’t act mischievously with him. When they achieve something good, especially with their studies at Beacon International School, he never fails to give positive reinforcement rather than dwelling on the negative.

Josh communicates differently with his kids. With Malaya, he converses as an adult, which helps her understand mature topics. But with Phoenix, Josh is back to being a teenager or a kid. He loves playing golf with his eldest daughter and football with his youngest son, but recently, Phoenix has grown a penchant for basketball, which Josh unabashedly admits to being quite upsetting because of his height. Kidding aside, the family loves taking the weekend off to the beach and playing fun games.

“I want them to do something they have a passion for and set their own goals to achieve it rather than me helping them get into something already established. It’s a way to build their personality,” Josh says. Now, he is proud of Phoenix coming out as sociable and friendly at school after being homeschooled during the pandemic. Likewise, he is charmed by how much Malaya has grown into a fine young lady.

“I hope they remain young at heart and mind,” says Josh. “My biggest fear is that they fall into similar paths to mine, where everything becomes work-related. I want them to find their passion.”

Josh remembers getting a similar treatment from his strong-headed mum, who did everything possible to make things work. “Once we put our mind to something, we just fully focus on it until we achieve it.” On the contrary, his dad is more laid back, believing that things will happen when they happen.

Read also: Helm by Josh Boutwood moves to its new home at Ayala Triangle Gardens, Makati City

Actor, model and entrepreneur Fabio Ide became a father at 30. When his firstborn Danie came along, the sudden shift in his life propelled him to align his priorities. Now, with nine-month-old twins Maya and Luna, he is even more motivated to work hard for their future.

A girl’s dad through and through, Fabio spends time with his kids making TikTok videos, swimming, singing, reading and playing together despite his busy schedule. He also visits Danie once or twice a week, hoping that will change soon when she starts living with them and helping take care of the twins. He admits that he can be strict sometimes, but he never stops motivating Danie to chase her dreams and simultaneously support his girlfriend, Ellen Fröjd, in caring for the twins.

“I just love the energy they bring. I love making them happy and laugh, traits I must have acquired from my father,” Fabio shares.

Perhaps the most challenging thing he faced as a father was when the twins, who were born prematurely, had to stay in Makati Medical Center for 50 days. “We didn’t know if they would make it, so Ellen and I tried living one day at a time and just kept praying to God. We couldn’t do anything but be patient. So as we were leaving, and all the nurses were clapping, that was quite emotional for me,” he says.

Having gone through adversaries in recent years, Fabio hopes for his kids to grow healthy and strong. “And also grow together as a family—for Danie to see herself as a big sister, for me and Ellen to continue to work hard for our family—making sure we got each other’s backs and everything is good,” he says.

Nowadays, Fabio is busy with tapings, which last 20 to 22 hours, and his business, which is bringing to the Philippines a gin brand from Bordeaux and distributing a tequila brand from Mexico. Aside from his Mexican restaurant and bar Zicatela in Siargao, he also opened a branch of Vibe Bar in Arcovia City last May, where he can soon organise the Sphereland Music Festival.

Despite the numerous blessings showered on his family, Fabio imparts to Danie (and eventually to the twins) something he learnt growing up—making up her bed. “You start the day by accomplishing something, even if someone else is there to do it for you. Another thing I try to pass down is to thank God for being alive as soon as you wake up. Other people did not have the same life. So, be thankful to God for the things that we have. I tried to show them they must work hard for whatever they want. Nothing in this world is free. If you fall seven times, stand up eight times, and that’s how life is.”

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The president and CEO of Magsaysay Shipping and Logistics, Jesse Maxwell became a father in his mid-30s, at a perfect age when he is already established financially and emotionally.

“You’re more comfortable with a lot of things, with leisure travel and hanging out with guy friends already out of the way,” Jesse says. A year after marriage, he and his wife, Jessica Kienle welcomed Luca.

At age 6, Luca likes biking with Jesse at the park near their residence; with three-year-old Layla—Jesse and Jessica’s second daughter—joining them and riding with the father.

Jesse admits to being the more lenient parent between him and Jessica. “I just give them a lot of love and support, trying to find a way to get them to behave a certain way,” he adds.

The Maxwell family loves skiing together, going to the beach or hiking some peaks. Travel and athletic activities play a central role in their bonding moments. However, Jesse also allows them some quiet time cuddling and watching their favourite movies and shows together at home.

Read more: Jessica Kienle tours us inside their family home that embodies Filipino craftsmanship and natural beauty

At their young ages, Luca and Layla have already been exposed to their parents’ workplaces, most especially Jessica’s, where the kids can see how furniture is made. “They’re kind, loving, respectful, and very interested in learning everything,” Jesse describes his kids, who are proud of how empathetic they have grown.

“Children can be quite demanding and impatient. Rather than letting ourselves feel frustrated, we should practise patience, love and support to get through the difficult times children have while growing up, learning about themselves as they experience hardships. They figure it out themselves. They have to transform or overcome them on their own,” Jesse says. A striking example of this was when he started teaching Luca to bike, which took about a year of lessons before his son could conquer the road—at least that of the parks where the three would spend their Sunday mornings.

Jesse assures his kids with consistent encouragement that he doesn’t let fear get ahead of them. “Maybe they have that feeling that they’re still so young, so we don’t know how it’s going to turn out, but I hope they grow up healthy and happy,” he shares.

When asked what heartfelt moments with his family he treasures the most, Jesse cites those random times when all four of them come together and have a group hug. “It’s just that we’re all feeling love, so we take the opportunity to share that with the family through a big hug.”

Nothing is impossible for someone determined to achieve happiness, fulfilment and self-purpose. Jon-jon Rufino, a proud, happily single gay dad, recalls deciding to have a child at 34 and braving the process of surrogacy. At 37, his twins Lucian and Lilith were born prematurely in North Carolina while he was preparing Father’s Day dinner. The two grew up well 11 years later, and they are

Jon-jon’s love made manifest. Lucian and Lilith are currently in sixth grade at Beacon International School, and Lilith is starting to pursue her dream of becoming a professional tennis player. “Anything can happen [in the future], but there’s no reason why she couldn’t be a professional tennis player if she maintains her discipline,” Jon-jon says.

Despite his busy days working in the real-estate industry and managing a scuba liveaboard vessel, Jon-jon remains very athletic to keep up with his young kids’ energies. “In communicating with them, I try to be honest. We talk about the plans and consequences of actions. I’m strict about certain things, like I want them to sleep on time and eat their vegetables, but other than that, we almost negotiate everything else,” he says. He describes his relationship with the kids as conversational, something he attributes to his mum. “Ever since I was a kid, she would also talk to me as if I was an adult,” Jon-jon says.

Jon-jon talked to his children about his gender and sexuality and how they came about through surrogacy even while they were young. “Obviously, they couldn’t understand it when they were two years old, but then, in that way, it was never a weird truth for them,” he says. If Lilith is into tennis, Lucian is still exploring his passions. He loves his Lego toys and watching Star Wars. Nevertheless, Jon-jon keeps his kids’ steps on track with a fitness tracker. Their weekly guitar lessons, which started during the pandemic, bind the family.

As a single father, Jon-jon appreciates that his children are reasonable and can travel without help, just the three of them. “The main challenge with that is that they’re getting along wonderfully in this photo shoot. But every once in a while, they get into a mood where they want to fight with each other. My main job becomes just being the referee. So that was about two hours ago,” Jon-jon casually shares while fixing Lucian’s necktie and trying to signal the kids with his eyes.

As he strives to be the best father for his two children, Jon-jon sometimes thinks about being fair to both. “And so, we try to have ‘Daddy Sundays’ or dates with each of them,” Jon-jon says. He admits to spending more time with Lilith nowadays because of her tournament schedule. To compensate, he and Lucian went to Boracay this year.

“I just want them to be happy, remain curious about the world, be excited about life and find their passions,” he shares.

Read more: Rajo Laurel, BJ Pascual, Miko Aspiras, Jon-Jon Rufino and Mark Bumgarner share how much Pride Month means to them

Paris- and Manila-based Danish-Irish artist and designer Patrick Coard is known for his distinctive style and creative process. Unsurprisingly, his artistic eye is passed on to River, his two-year-old daughter, and his wife, Kifu. Together, the couple try different things to stimulate River’s creativity, but nothing beats the excitement her little Vespa brings her.

“We’re very focused on trying to pass on the values of being good, kind and generous to her. We try to explain things to her, and she seems very understanding,” says Patrick. “Explaining situations to her seems effective, but we’re very conscious about what she says, like saying ‘please’.”

As new parents, Patrick and Kifu set structural routines for River, like a particular time allotted for playing, eating or going to bed. Also, River cannot watch anything from a computer or mobile phone screen. Instead, she is immersed in books, painting and ballet. Patrick and Kifu spend most of their time with River at home, especially in the mornings, and limit their travels. As much as possible, they would bring River along.

Patrick remarks that River loves being on an aeroplane. Currently studying at Children’s Play Corner, River is described by her teachers as an explorer.

“[She’s] very curious and sociable, conscious of her surroundings,” Patrick comments. For this dad, every day is unique as he watches his child grow up—the joy she brings every morning, coming out of her room with her little Vespa or the horse she loves to play with. But what remains to be a memorable and heartfelt moment was when Kifu gave birth to her in Paris back when there were still mobility restrictions due to the pandemic. Patrick treasures every minute when it was just the three of them in the hospital, and no visitors were allowed for the first few days after River was born.

“It was almost as if time stood still. Leading up to her birth, I processed a lot of things. I thought of how I would become a good father. What does it take? Mothers might prepare themselves differently. But when you become a father, it’s a process, and I felt I had time for everything at the moment—take photos, enjoy the moment and more,” he shares.

Read more: Meet Patrick Coard, the Danish-Irish designer who turns candles to art

“I hope River always remains happy and safe and that our family remains close to each other,” Patrick says. “From where I originally came from, cherish is a keyword that makes sense to us. We must cherish even the littlest moments and be mindful and kind. Amid the contrasts in today’s modern world, we’re trying to create a happy, harmonious and positive environment for our family.”

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