Dating through the ages: 3 ladies share their love stories this Valentine's Day

Any past dating mishaps that taught you valuable lessons about being in a relationship?

I used to be the queen of ignoring red flags. In fact, I think I loved it. We make excuses for people we love, but we need to know where to draw the line. You accept the love you think you deserve! It’s not just some cheesy quote from a movie, it’s true. I’ve had some pretty bad experiences, but I believe it’s because I allowed it. Many women, myself included, struggle with asserting ourselves or saying no because we’ve been conditioned to prioritise being agreeable. There are good people out there who will respect you and treat you right, so set your boundaries and don’t let just anyone have access to you. Us girlies gotta know our worth!

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A qualified nurse and the deputy head of community outreach at Cancer Research Malaysia, Maheswari Jaganathan’s love story has the twists and turns of a romance novel. At the peak of her career in her early 30s, Maheswari’s (Mahes for short) family agreed to an arranged marriage for her. Years prior to that, Mahes first met her husband, Vicky, online. The pair conversed frequently but never met in person until Mahes came back to Kuala Lumpur after taking a break from her nursing job in Saudi Arabia. 

Following Mahes’ return to Saudi Arabia, they continued to chat virtually, though she made it clear she was only interested in friendship and her career. After that, Mahes sent him birthday wishes over SMS for two years straight, hearing no replies.

“I assumed he had moved on. After two years, I received a call from a new number, and it was him,” she says. “The first thing he asked was ‘Are you married?’ When I said no, he asked if I would marry him. It turns out the phone number I initially sent the birthday messages to actually belonged to his grandmother, and he only saw my messages when he was clearing out her phone storage.”

At that point, what were your feelings about marriage? 

I directed [Vicky] to meet my father, who would know what is best for me. I was super nervous about my parents’ decision. My parents had never spoken to me before about marriage. My family is strict, but they always wanted their daughters to go to greater heights and achieve their dreams. I am lucky to have a Singaporean mother who always emphasised education, profession and the importance of seeing the world. Two days after my father agreed to meet Vicky’s family, our families made all the arrangements. We got engaged in August 2010 and married in January 2011. 

What was your very first date like? 

I was back in Malaysia from Saudi Arabia visiting family. A week before I flew back, he wanted to meet for dinner. It was a bit of a shock seeing him in formal attire just after work. He wasn’t like what I had imagined. It was only when ordering food that I learned he was vegetarian, and all he could order from the menu was mashed potatoes. We still laugh about his menu choice at that first meeting. We had a casual chat, and just before I left, he passed me five of his recommended novels to take back with me. They weren’t my cup of tea.

What did you look for in a partner?   

Someone who gives equal importance or understanding to what I value in life. Someone who would go all out to achieve something that is meaningful or important to me. Someone who also believed in sharing responsibilities when caring for one another’s families, not enforcing this on the woman alone. Specifically, I did have a strong preference for someone with a lot of patience, a calm demeanour, a vegetarian, a dog lover, and no sisters (My husband is the only child in his family).

Any advice to women who are dating in their 30s?

Give time for the relationship to flourish so that both partners have the mental space to deal with the direction you are heading. The age factor sometimes leads many couples to rush to settle down. Also, I believe it’s kind of risky hoping for some magical moment or perfect timing that, most of the time, doesn’t happen. If it doesn’t work– be upfront, sincere and honest. Don’t build false hope for others or yourself.

Count on Kloth Circularity co-founder Nik Suzila Nik Hassan (Suzy for short) for a forthright take on online dating and relationships. The gutsy, go-getting entrepreneur is passionate about making the world a better place and similarly knows what she wants when it comes to seeking a relationship that’s lasting and meaningful.

What are some of the greatest challenges of dating in your 40s?

Dating needs time investment. When he’s free, I am not, and vice versa. To find and ‘sync’ the time between two busy people can be difficult. Most of us have work commitments and challenges with long working hours. Sometimes, it can be hard to switch from work to dating mode. It’s also challenging to have a clear picture of what is a good or bad company, to distinguish between the ‘friend zone’ or whether to move to the next phase.

What does a great first date look like for you?

When I come back home from the first date, I wonder when he will be asking me out for the second time—good conversation, amusing and fun to be with.

What do you love most about dating in 2024?

When you get older, you get wiser, too (hopefully). My advice to other ladies dating in their 40s: Always be yourself. 

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