‘How to lose a girl in 10 days’: love experts weigh in on the signs she’s into you (or not)

When a man refuses to invest his time, effort or resources, his attraction value plummets. Love coach Vanessa “Vee” Antonio highlights key investments in four areas:

• The ‘low-investment’ red flag. Women instinctively pick up on patterns of inconsistency, last-minute plans and breadcrumbing. “Research on mate retention strategies shows that women favour partners who demonstrate consistent effort because it signals long-term viability. If a man isn’t showing up—physically, mentally or emotionally—she’ll subconsciously categorise him as non-serious,” Antonio warns.
  
  
• Emotional flatlining. Women are drawn to emotional intelligence, not just grand gestures. “If he can’t read the room, validate feelings or handle conflict with maturity, attraction erodes. Studies on emotional regulation in relationships confirm that women associate emotional stability with security, which makes them more likely to invest in a partner,” says Antonio.
  
  
• Transactional behaviour. If a man only makes an effort when he wants something in return, women sense it. “They aren’t seeking a contractual romance—they want reciprocity, not obligation.”
  
  
• Surface-level engagement. A man can be present without being engaged. If he’s just going through the motions—texting without real intent, showing up without genuine curiosity—women pick up on that emotional vacancy.

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For Antonio, women have little patience for men who use vagueness as a form of mystery. For girls, clarity and consistency in communication make men more attractive. When men send mixed signals or remain emotionally distant, it creates uncertainty and undermines trust. 

“Ambiguity is not attractive,” Antonio stresses. “Some men mistake vagueness for mystery. It’s not the same thing. A woman shouldn’t have to decipher a man’s intentions like a cryptic crossword. Studies on cognitive load show that uncertainty activates the brain’s threat response, meaning a woman will instinctively withdraw from a partner who makes her feel emotionally unsafe,” she adds.

One trend women consistently display when evaluating a potential partner is making an effort to communicate openly and honestly, and showing a genuine interest in their life and passions—asking questions, remembering details and engaging with their interests. 

“They show that they value your thoughts and opinions, are considerate of your feelings and appreciate who you are,” says Chen. “They also make an effort to communicate openly and honestly, and they’re willing to share their thoughts and feelings, listen actively to yours and engage in meaningful conversations.”

While not an official psychological term or diagnosis, ‘breadcrumbing’ has become a colloquial term to describe the act of giving someone just enough attention or affection to keep them interested but not enough to form a genuine connection or commitment.

For Antonio, this behaviour is a major turnoff. She explains that when women sense they’re being strung along with minimal effort or unclear intentions, it creates frustration and erodes trust. “Some men excel at the ‘illusion of connection’. They’re charming, fun and engaging but completely absent in moments that require vulnerability or depth,” she shares.

“If he’s affectionate one week and distant the next, he is not complex—he is unreliable. Behavioural psychology suggests that intermittent reinforcement (unpredictable attention) creates emotional addiction, not genuine attraction,” she explains.

Antonio says that if a man never integrates a woman into his real world, he is keeping her at arm’s length, whether consciously or not.

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Bumble’s 2025 dating trends revealed that over half (55 per cent) of women in the Philippines love being in love. Meanwhile, one in three (39 per cent) women in Singapore say that a lack of romance has harmed their dating lives.

“This can only mean one thing: the desire for romance is clear and stronger than ever! Our findings also showed that instead of grand gestures, people are embracing romance in a new way—through an emerging trend coined as ‘Micro-mance’—a term to describe expressing your feelings through smaller gestures, with big impact,” says Chen. 

Chen shares that most single Filipinos and Singaporeans (97 and 89 per cent, respectively) agree that showing love and affection now includes behaviours like sending memes, a playlist or morning coffee runs. 

“On Bumble, ‘The quickest way to my heart is’ is one of the top prompts globally, highlighting micro-mance is already alive and well on the app. Sometimes, the little things are what it takes to keep the relationship alive, as it shows you always have your date or partner in mind!”

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To avoid sabotaging relationships, Chen says that people should “embrace themselves and their partners’ flaws.” According to the Bumble 2024 dating trends, 42 per cent of women will now only date people who will not try to change them.  

“This suggests that expecting yourself and your partner to be perfect is a futile effort, and it would be helpful to stop trying to change someone and instead accept and work through your differences.”

Grand gestures don’t matter if a man forgets the basics—checking in, showing appreciation, remembering small details. “In Filipino culture, something as simple as a heartfelt ‘ingat ka’ [take care] carries more weight than an expensive but impersonal gift,” says Antonio. 

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For women, a partner who respects her boundaries is a partner who takes her interests seriously. “Boundaries don’t push attraction away; they build respect, which fuels long-term attraction,” Antonio explains. “Women don’t lose interest when a man respects their pace—they lose interest when they feel rushed, dismissed or manipulated.”

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