Cover Coaching is a powerful tool for addressing feelings of self doubt and discovering what to prioritise.
Coaching is a powerful tool for addressing feelings of self doubt and discovering what to prioritise.
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Corporate leader and coach Emily Sheen shares how the right coaching can provide a first line of support to tackle the pressures of both life and work
“It feels very indulgent to pay to be listened to. What if I don’t get much out of it?”
“How can someone answer your life questions by asking more questions?”
“Coaching wouldn’t work for me.”
These are all concerns I hear from people when I mention I’m a trained coach and also have regular coaching to help me in my own life and work. Many tell me they have been considering coaching for a while, but are nervous to try it or have not had success with a taster session.
Some are worried they won’t be able to share their feelings openly, whilst others are unsure what topics to bring to their sessions, so in the end, they tell themselves coaching is not for them.
See also: How can I successfully navigate a career change and step up into a leadership role?
Yet, the power of coaching should not be underestimated. According to The Institute of Coaching, 80 per cent of people who receive coaching report increased self-confidence, and over 70 per cent see improvement in their work performance, relationships and communication skills. The International Coaching Federation (ICF) found that 96 per cent of people who had a coach were keen to repeat the process again.
On a personal level, when I told my husband I would be investing in coaching, he was skeptical. But after three months he told me he could see the positive impact it was having on my confidence.
Whether you’re considering coaching or unsure how to get the most out of time with your coach, here’s your “starter kit” to set you up for success.
Coaching myths and misconceptions
There are some common misconceptions around coaching to clear up:
“Coaches offer guidance and advice”
Many of us first encountered the word “coach” on the sports pitch—in my case, a belligerent lady who alternately blew her whistle and bellowed orders at the top of her lungs across a muddy field in all weathers.
Coaching in a personal and professional development context could not be more different. Instead of barking orders, your coach (calmly) asks questions. That means they will never advise you what to do. It’s their job to help you find the solution to your own problem.
Imagine your thoughts are tangled balls of thread. A coach helps you take one “thought thread” at a time and untangle it from the rest, so you can clearly see the best way forward. Some threads will easily untangle in one session, whereas others are tightly knotted and may take multiple sessions to unravel.
“Coaches are like therapists”
Coaching is future-focused, goal-oriented and action-driven. It's about helping individuals achieve specific personal or professional goals, whether in business, career, relationships or personal growth.
Therapy and counselling, on the other hand, address emotional, mental or situational issues that negatively impact an individual’s life, often using past reflection as a tool to improve the present. If any issues you present to your coach would be better handled by a therapist or counsellor, they will let you know.
“Coaches are for big career changes”
You don’t need to wait until you’re running for CEO before coaching can help. Coaches are useful when you’re navigating any moments of restlessness and transition, big or small. At work, you might feel an itch to try something new but not know where to start, or you might have recently changed jobs and need some support to set you up for success. At home, you might be going through a big transition, like motherhood, or having a tough time with a friend.
Coaching is a powerful tool for addressing feelings of self doubt and discovering what to prioritise. It’s no surprise, then, that with the multiple hats women juggle every day and the notorious self doubt that plagues many of us, over half of people who benefit from coaching are female. The power of discussing our problems with a neutral party should not be underestimated.
How do I find the right coach?
If you want to use coaching for professional development, career coaches and executive coaches are not your only options. These days, most coaches cover life and work but specialise as career coaches or executive coaches so they can be hired by corporate companies as well as individuals. This broader focus makes sense—if you lack confidence in a group, it’s likely that this trait doesn’t discriminate between life and work—your coaching may lead you to explore how it affects you at dinner parties and in work meetings alike.
Coaches who have worked with corporate companies will likely have more experience coaching on workplace politics, but a life coach can help you find the underlying emotional cause behind these challenges just as effectively. If they have specific topics they choose not to coach on, they will make you aware of that.
Instead, when you’re looking for a coach, stress-test the relationship to avoid the number one reason coaching doesn’t work out: lack of chemistry. Without chemistry, we won’t be willing to open up. If we only half-share how we truly feel, the solutions we come up with will be half-baked.
If you are the paying customer (rather than your company assigning you a coach), you should be offered a “chemistry session” before you sign up. This is a free conversation for you to get to know the coach and share your goals.
For the coach, this session helps them answer questions like: “Can I help this person move towards their goals?” and “Is this person motivated to achieve their goals?”
For you, this is an opportunity to consider: “Will this person help me reach my goals?” and, most importantly, “Will I be able to show this person my vulnerable side?”
If the answer to either of these questions is no, it’s okay to walk away. It’s important to “shop around” for a coach until you find the right match. Recommendations from friends and colleagues can be helpful, but another good place to start is by researching qualified coaches in leading certification directories, such as the ICF.
How do I get the most out of my sessions?
Now you’ve found the right coach, it’s time to make the sessions work for you. Surprisingly, one of the best perks I discovered in training to be a coach was that in seeing coaching from both sides of the table, I knew better how to prepare for sessions as a coachee.
Before the session: Prepare and ensure you can be fully present. Bring focus to your session by reflecting beforehand on the challenges you might want to discuss, setting yourself up in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, making yourself a hot drink and turning off your notifications.
During the session: Keep an open mind. Coaching is especially helpful for diagnosing the problem, but only if we bring a dose of humility. Even if we believe we know what the problem is, other perspectives or unexpected solutions might surprise us during the session. Without an open mind, they will be too easily dismissed.
After the session: First, give yourself time and space. Coaching is draining and you need to allow recovery time for your mind and body. Second, do your homework. Your coach will likely end the session by prompting you to take a first step towards the solution you’ve landed on. If you don’t take any action, you’ve just had a very expensive conversation.
Coaching is your secret weapon
For motivated individuals who want to move forward on their professional journey or increase their happiness at home, coaching is a wise investment that can give you the edge.
That said, it’s no silver bullet. Take your time to choose the right coach, consider the topics you want to bring to the table and, most importantly, have the courage to move forward with the actions you align on. It will be worth it.
Emily Sheen is venture principal at Bain & Company’s venture building studio, Rainmaking APAC, and a qualified coach. She writes regularly on leadership and personal development topics with her weekly newsletter, Read the Room.
Front & Female’s series She Speaks aims to drive open, inclusive and unfiltered conversations tackling the sensitive topics that impact women. Do you have a burning question that you’d like our experts to answer? Email us on frontandfemale@tatlerasia.com.
