Cover Exploring women’s sexual health in the Philippines—from taboo topics to practical advice on pleasure, communication and care (Photo: Canva)
Exploring women’s sexual health in the Philippines—from taboo topics to practical advice on pleasure, communication and care (Photo: Canva)
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Tatler interviews Dr Rica Cruz, a clinical sexologist and therapist, discussing women’s sexual health, societal stigma surrounding female sexuality and women’s empowering journey to regain sexual confidence
For many Filipino women, sexual health remains one of the least discussed aspects of their overall well-being. Conversations about contraception, menstrual cycles and fertility—while slowly entering public discourse through reproductive health campaigns—often stop short of addressing desire, pleasure and emotional intimacy. These are still topics that are whispered about, joked about or completely avoided.
This silence comes at a cost. Globally, studies suggest that up to three in four women experience pain during sex at some point in their lives, while research consistently shows a persistent “orgasm gap” between men and women in heterosexual encounters. In Asia, cultural taboos further compound the issue: women are less likely to seek help for sexual concerns, less likely to name discomfort as a problem, and more likely to internalise dissatisfaction as something to endure. In the Philippines, where Catholic values, gendered expectations, and limited sex education intersect, sexual health is often framed as a moral issue rather than a medical or psychological one.
Dr Rica Cruz, a psychologist, clinical sexologist, sex and relationships therapist and the founder of Asia’s first sex therapy app Unprude, has spent years working with women who struggle to articulate their experiences. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology and an MA in Counselling Psychology from Ateneo de Manila University. She completed specialised training in sex therapy at the University of Guelph, Cambridge Alliance-Harvard Medical School, the Kinsey Institute, and the Society for Scientific Study of Sexuality. She combines private clinical practice with public education, hosting TV, radio, and digital programmes while advocating for sexual wellness and dismantling stigma around women’s sexual health.
What many dismiss as “normal” sexual discomfort, she said, is often the product of cultural conditioning, misinformation and deeply embedded stigma. In clinic settings and casual conversations alike, women are afraid to voice their concerns, afraid of embarrassment, judgment, or simply not knowing the language to express what they feel.
“People didn’t realise that what they had was a problem,” Cruz explained. “They thought it was normal to have pain during sex. It’s normal for them not to climax. A lot of women don’t even know what an orgasm feels like.” This silence, she said, is rooted in centuries of norms that tie a woman’s worth to purity, chastity, virginity, restrain her curiosity and teach her to prioritise others’ comfort over her own.
Sex education gaps play a significant role. Many women enter adulthood armed with warnings about pregnancy and disease, but little understanding of pleasure, anatomy, or consent beyond compliance. As a result, symptoms that would otherwise warrant medical attention—chronic pain, low desire, anxiety around intimacy—are dismissed as personal failures rather than health concerns.
Yet Cruz observes signs of change. Humour has replaced silence in some circles, and younger generations exposed to global conversations online are beginning to ask questions more openly. Still, the gap between casual chatter and genuine clinical disclosure remains wide. In this candid interview, Cruz explores the fears, myths, and cultural histories that influence women’s sexual experiences, and offers practical ways for women to reclaim agency over their bodies and health.
Above Clinical sexologist Dr Rica Cruz breaks down women’s sexual health—pain, pleasure and the silence that keeps many from understanding their bodies and desires (Photo: Wesley Villarica)
Clinical sexologist Dr Rica Cruz breaks down women’s sexual health—pain, pleasure and the silence that keeps many from understanding their bodies and desires (Photo: Wesley Villarica)
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What issues do women hesitate to discuss regarding their sexual health?
Women often hesitate to discuss issues related to their sex lives. When I started talking with them, many were shocked to learn that pain during sex wasn’t normal. They believed that not enjoying intercourse or not reaching orgasm was simply part of being a woman. Usually, women would focus on reproductive health— visiting an OB-GYN for ultrasounds or pap smears—but even that wasn’t routine before. They felt they had to accept everything. Women often take a long time to realise there’s a problem and that help is available. Instead, they suffer in silence. If they had recognised that their experiences weren’t normal, their suffering could have been eased sooner, allowing them to enjoy their lives as women.
How are Filipino women starting to break the silence around sexual health?
Reproduction and sexual health remain stigmatised, but people are beginning to recognise their importance for overall well-being and relationships. Humour has become a way to discuss these topics safely. Some ask, “What do you do when you masturbate?” in a light, joking manner. The negativity and fear about sex have now been challenged through humour, whereas previously there was silence or shame. As long as the issue is acknowledged, that progress is positive.
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Own your sexual self. Then accept what’s happening in your body—whether it’s shame, pain, difficulty with orgasm or confusion—and acknowledge it. But never blame yourself.
What are the real consequences of this silence?
Suffering. They endure the pain and believe it’s normal. It takes them some time to realise that something is wrong and that help is available. Pain or discomfort during sex must not be dismissed as normal. It’s actually like having a fever. If you ignore it and think it’s normal, it will only worsen. Acknowledging it early and knowing that help is available can reduce the duration of suffering.
What are the most common myths you come across about sex?
Pain. Many women are taught that sex is painful, and they believe first-time sex should be uncomfortable. Some marry and go years without sex because they fear the pain. But sex isn’t painful, and first-time sex shouldn’t be painful either. These stories create a fear of sex in women, preventing them from enjoying or understanding its true gift. The husbands blame them, and then the women start blaming themselves... It’s a widespread issue in our culture.
How can women overcome internalised blame?
Accept that you have the right to pleasure and to access medical treatment. The main issue here is that women often don’t believe they have the right to their bodily autonomy and pleasure. They must recognise this first. You can’t be empowered by something you don’t believe in. Many women are experiencing this, and it’s not their fault; it’s the narrative’s fault. Women shouldn’t blame themselves because they have the power to change the story. Own your sexual self. Then accept what’s happening in your body—whether it’s shame, pain, difficulty with orgasm or confusion—and acknowledge it. But never blame yourself. The most important step is to be kind to yourself while standing up for your rights as a woman with a sexual self.
Are women hesitant to discuss their partners’ sexual performance?
They’re hesitant to say that their partners are bad in bed. They are so afraid of damaging their partner’s ego. This hesitancy is also influenced by culture because, in our society, men are expected to be sexual, and they should know what they are doing. So women don’t want to emasculate their partners by admitting that, you know what, it wasn’t enjoyable. As a result, they start faking orgasms, or they don’t even recognise what an orgasm feels like. Many women I speak to, during interviews, realise, no, no, that wasn’t an orgasm. They sacrifice their own pleasure. They become less willing to explore sexually. Ultimately, it turns sex into a chore for their husband, at times a painful chore. This is a negative outcome for sexual health, yet it remains widespread in our culture.
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Above A clear, honest guide to women’s sexual health, covering pain, pleasure, desire and how to better understand your body (Photo: Canva)
A clear, honest guide to women’s sexual health, covering pain, pleasure, desire and how to better understand your body (Photo: Canva)
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What advice would you give women who haven’t yet explored their bodies?
I tell them to walk around naked at home, look at their bodies in the mirror, touch their body, use lotion and make it more sensual when they do this. It’s like integrating it into their routine so they won’t feel ashamed of it. You can also put on a sensual playlist and walk around naked alone. You don’t have to be take off your underwear, but you can dance in them while watching yourself in the mirror. There is also masturbation meditation audio guides available online. You just listen to it and see how it feels in your body.
How can women explore pleasure and use masturbation to understand their sexual desires?
Begin with your body. Use a hand mirror and good lighting—know where your clitoris is. The G-spot isn’t a separate “spot”, but part of the internal clitoral structure felt through the anterior vaginal wall. Some enjoy it, others don’t—both are normal. Erogenous zones are everywhere: nipples, neck, inner thighs, even behind the knees or small of the back. Experiment with touch, speed and pressure. Masturbation is your personal experiment. Sex toys can assist, but start simple like a small vibrator. Notice what feels good. Penetration may or may not be pleasurable, and that’s a vital information for you. Pay attention to tension, fantasies and what stimulates arousal. Masturbation teaches what pleasure actually feels like, gives you a verbal language to guide a partner and helps you monitor your sexual health. Pain, dryness or delayed arousal become easier to notice when you’re tuned in.
How can women maintain their sexual health and integrate it into their everyday life?
Treat intimate care like skincare. Your vulva and vagina need attention and maintenance—they’re the skin you touch and share in vulnerable moments. Practical steps include annual pelvic exams, honest conversations with your doctor, keeping lubricants handy and knowing your cycle. In relationships, schedule sex if spontaneous desire is rare, and communicate what works. Finally, nurture excitement outside the bedroom. Sexual energy thrives on life; new experiences, projects or adventures can spark arousal. When your body and mind feel alive, pleasure naturally follows.
What systemic changes in healthcare might promote more open dialogues? We need women-friendly clinics where patients aren’t shamed for sexual health issues. Healthcare workers should be trained to approach sexual health with sensitivity and an awareness of cultural shame and judgment. Policies also matter. How can young women look after themselves if minors can’t access contraception without restrictions? Empowerment begins with both systemic change and education. You can do something about it.
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Syrah is Tatler Philippines’ Power & Purpose editor, where she spotlights extraordinary journeys shaping the Philippines and Asia. She covers business, innovation, impact, and culture—chasing the people, ideas and forces shaping how we live and think today.
