Go Dutch? Tatler Team Answers Whether Women Should Pay on First Dates

In this write-up, we answer one pressing issue in the world of dating—should women pay on first dates?

The night is growing old and stories had been shared over a sumptuous meal—the only thing left to do is checkout. But who's taking out their wallets first? In this post, the Tatler team debates whether or not gents should follow the good old 'shoulder-the-bill' way. The night is growing old and stories had been shared over a sumptuous meal—the only thing left to do is checkout. But who's taking out their wallets first? In this post, the Tatler team debates whether or not gents should follow the good old 'shoulder-the-bill' way.

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Below are responses from our team. Do you agree with them?

Maritess Garcia Reyes, Senior Features Editor

Above Maritess Garcia Reyes is Tatler Philippines' Senior Features Editor

She says: It depends, nothing wrong with going Dutch

Why: In this modern day and age, I think both men and women are entitled to ask someone they like for a date. Ergo, I believe that it is only proper that whoever asked should pay. I also see nothing wrong in going Dutch on dates. A date involves two individuals who are both earning a living, so it is just fair to share the bill. Also, when this date eventually progresses to, let's say, marriage in the future, a husband and wife are expected to share expenses at home, so why not practise early on?

Stephanie Zubiri Crespi, Tatler Homes Editor

Above Stephanie Zubiri Crespi is the Editor of Tatler Homes Philippines. Follow her on Instagram at @stephaniezubiri

She says: Go Dutch

Why: I always offer to pay half, and if the guy insists and I like him, I’d accept but also invite him to drinks or dessert after that I pay for. The balance of power needs to be equal so that you never feel obliged to do something you don’t want to do. Whether that’s a goodnight kiss or a second date! I always like to be in control, particularly when getting to know someone. And also, if I really did enjoy his company, then I’m happy to treat him too!

Tania Jayatilaka, Digital Writer

Above Tania Jayatilaka is a Digital Writer from Tatler Malaysia

She says: Nothing wrong with going Dutch, but it also feels nice when guys offer to pay

Why: I'm not saying that men should pay for every single dinner or lunch date. I don't see anything wrong with Going Dutch as this lessens the financial pressure (not to mention the awkwardness) of the first date. That said, I'm old-fashioned. No matter how empowered or independent I am, it's always a nice feeling when a guy goes ahead and pays for the first date in a classy way (meaning, no song-and-dance, no bravado, and no guilt-tripping).

Non-verbal actions often speak the loudest, and I'd go so far as to say that it's telling when a man is willing to spend on what's important to him. That said, if he's paying for the first date makes you uncomfortable for any reason, insist on Going Dutch or paying for the meal yourself, especially if you're in the mood to splurge and don't want to take advantage of his generosity. Ultimately, learn to trust your gut but don't feel inclined to take it as an 'offence' when a man offers to pay for the date.

Jio Joshua Baldesimo, Social Media Editor

Above Jio Joshua Baldesimo is Tatler Philippines' Social Media Editor

He says: Women can pay if they want to

Why: Why not? Of course, it must be communicated clearly—from invitation and preparation. I think the usual etiquette here is that the one who invited the other (usually us, men) gets to cover most, if not all, of the bill. But, hey, times have changed, and splitting the bill has become more acceptable nowadays. Also, conversations about finance (even in general) can be a good gauge of character and chemistry between you two.

Alex Alcasid, Assistant Digital Editor

Above Alex Alcasid is Tatler Philippines' Assistant Digital Editor. Catch her at her website at www.alexalcasid.com

She says: Split the bill

Why: I believe the bill should be split on the first date. Since it is the first date and both parties are still getting to know each other, splitting the bill keeps responsibility to themselves, and if the date doesn't go well, there would be no bad blood over money spent.

Ann Susana, Marketing and Events Assistant

Above Ann Susana is Tatler Philippines' Ann Susana, Marketing and Events Assistant

She says: Split the bill

Why: I think you should split the bill equally; you are not responsible for each other's finances on the first date. Besides, the goal of the first date is to get to know each other so you shouldn't feel the need to prove your financial stability in order to win someone over. Everyone wants equality.

Nicole Trinidad, Senior Account Manager

Above Nicole Trinidad is the Senior Account Manager of Tatler Philippines

She says: The man should be expected to pay on the first date, but if the woman insists on splitting the bill or paying, she should be allowed to

Why: As someone who insists on paying all the time on dates, I think traditionally the man is expected to pay on the first date. But if the woman insists on contributing, then the man should accept. Men are not obliged to pay for women and women should also not take advantage of men who offer to pay.

Christofer Palentino, Digital Marketing Assistant

Above Christofer Palentino is Tatler Philippines' Digital Marketing Assistant

He says: It depends on who initiated the date

Why: It's not a question of gender, I guess. It's the person who initiated the date who should pay on first dates. In these modern times, it's not always men who ask first for a date. Therefore, regardless of gender, the person who asked for a date should pay. It can also be halfway if it's fine for the other party.

Franz Sorilla IV, Art and Culture Editor

Above Franz Sorilla IV is Tatler Philippines' Art and Culture Editor. Follow him on Instagram @franzsorillaiv

He says: Whoever invites should pay

Why: I believe in the concept of whoever gave the invitation should pay for it, which does not necessarily depend on gender. It’s common for men to invite women to a simple first date like over a cup of coffee or somewhere fun like bowling and other activities because we’ve been used to the idea that men should make the first move. But what if it was the woman who made the first move? I also abide by this because I believe that if one of them didn’t like the first date because of the experience, it’s not going to be too traumatic as it is an invitation from one of them who ends up paying for it.

Jove Moya, Features Writer

Above Jove Moya is Tatler Philippines' Feature Writer.

She says: It depends on many factors

Why: Whether women should pay on first dates depends on many factors, such as the monthly income of both parties and the person who initiated the date. For example, one must consider if both parties are financially secure. Another example is if the woman initiated the date, then perhaps she should contribute to paying a portion of the expenses. A woman can pay if she decides to. But ultimately, a woman can also ask the other party to pay for the expenses (especially if the said party asked the woman out on a date). After all, the other person is inviting the woman and asking her for her time, so it makes sense to pay for the whole meal out of respect.

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