From outdoor playtime to controlled screentime: how the journey of motherhood has evolved through the years?

It is evident how the times have changed—for the better or worse—in this technology-inclined age. And yet women are still challenged by the same societal issues. At least we can all agree on one thing. Being a mother is an inspiring feat that only women have the crowning glory.

In case you missed it: Why do we need International Women's Day?

In this feature, celebrating Women’s History Month, Tatler asks Gen.T honouree Crystal Lee Gonzalez to share what’s it like to be considered a ‘modern mother’.

For Gonzalez, motherhood can be summed up in one word: purpose. According to the co-founder of the all-in-one delivery app, Pick A Roo, that is because she went through so much physically, mentally, and emotionally throughout her pregnancy and motherhood journey to discover that it is the most selfless and humbling experience. After three-term pregnancies and one miscarriage, Gonzalez realised she found her reason for being when she became a mother. "Everything I went through in the past had prepared me for this very important role and calling that is a true privilege. Motherhood is also a calling and a choice. And most of all, it is a life-long commitment," she cites.

Gonzalez emphasises that motherhood is a journey beyond carrying a child, giving birth, and providing for them. According to her, it exceeds biological or blood relations, and adoptive parents make the best mothers, too—even miscarried mums who never got to care for their children.

While she believes it is not for everyone, she says, "no woman should ever feel pressured to be a mother just to conform to society and norms."

Gonzalez further disclosed that the worst part of her journey was after her anembryonic pregnancy. Nevertheless, the golden moments were all her pregnancies and the birth of her three children. She currently lives her best despite all the difficulties tied to motherhood. Looking back at how she adapted before to this present day, Gonzalez tries to bridge the gap from traditional to modern.

Can you share how it was different when you were the child compared to now when you are the parent?

Crystal Lee Gonzalez (CLG): When I was a child, I remember being in school (an all-girls school) and feeling pressured to be a certain way—we all had to look, act, talk, and do as expected. We had to keep our feelings to ourselves and only speak when asked. Most of the time, fear was instilled toward authority. 

As a parent now, the education and ways of school have changed. Kids are now encouraged to talk about their feelings, share thoughts, and ask questions. Teachers are more friendly and supportive. 

I also remember that as a child, many of us wanted the same things and watched the same shows. We were moulded to look, act, and talk in a certain way. Now, we encourage our kids to be their person—do, speak, and act based on what they like and want to be. We encourage them to embrace their uniqueness. At most, we guide and coach our kids versus impose.

For you, which one is better: the time when there were no gadgets, no wifi, and the like vs today that there is automation, smart devices, and digital dominance?

CLG: I think, like anything in life, everything should be in moderation, and too much of anything is bad. There is no better or worse time in my eyes. It is all about how you make the most and utilises the resources or lack of resources to your advantage.

See also: Danielle Tan and Christine Tiu on celebrating the Filipino heritage through jewellery

Did technology make being a parent easier? (Or did it make it harder?) How so?

CLG: In terms of entertainment, education, learning, and development, I find it easier than before. Since I'm a working mum, I do not have 24/7 with my kids. Technology helped me a lot with balancing my time—save a few minutes here and there as they enjoy some kiddie shows, and learning has also been more fun for my kids.

My kids all spoke and learnt their numbers, letters, and shapes before two-years-old. And they had fun learning, thanks to YouTube Kids and a lot of personal one-on-one practice. They learn many things and answer their questions faster, thanks to Google. I have used online content and technology to improve my parenting knowledge and skills. I research and read from communities and resources.

What are the biggest challenges in raising children today?

CLG: The challenge in raising kids is finding best ways to educate, discipline, and moderate. The online world presents a new and graver threat and risk if not regulated and moderated. Lots of kids need to wear glasses at an early age or have eye problems. Many kids also suffer from anxiety and ADHD due to the overuse of gadgets. Some also have problems communicating, socialising/social anxiety. Some have delayed speech due to too much screen time. Other kids also get access to inappropriate content. For older kids and even adults, I also see issues affecting their self-esteem and confidence because of social media and content. There is also rampant online bullying with all the chats and social communities available.

Read more: Mayors Joy Belmonte, Abby Binay, Honey Lacuna-Pangan and Lani Cayetano prove women can lead

How do you cope, deal with, and power through these challenges?

CLG: We educate, regulate, moderate, and discipline our kids at a very young age. We work together as a family to continue to improve. We also ensure that the kids have a balanced life and are not glued to gadgets. My kids play football, do ballet, play with friends, go to the park, explore nature, do arts and crafts, go to the mall, eat together, and play games together, to have quality time, have a balanced lifestyle, and build a strong bond within the family.

Also read: Tatler Philippines editors on women that inspire them: Malala Yousafzai, Leni Robredo, Ophelia Dimalanta and more

When asked how she measures her success as a mother, Gonzalez answered, "Simple. I ask my children, are you happy? Are you healthy? If they answer yes, I feel I’m doing a good job." Pick A Roo’s CEO expressed her fulfilment as a proud modern mother in this new era as she concludes with the saying, "It is not going to be easy, but it will always be worth it. Every mother’s journey is unique and beautiful." Although being a mother is not all there is to be a woman, Gonzalez reminds us with her insightful story that it is indeed one of the victories only females have the upper hand.

NOW READ

Power and possibility: How Asia’s most influential women inspire others to follow in their footsteps

Edamama founder, Bela Gupta D'Souza on what it's like to be a mother today

U-GO, CPN, FTW, and ICanServe on recognising women's strengths