Two young mothers open up about parenting in their early 20s

Before I became a mother...

I wasn't as organised. I think motherhood turned me into someone who is really organised and really good with time management.

In those early days of motherhood...

I remember having a very strict schedule and sleep-training my daughter. Nap times were very consistent and she'd be asleep by 6pm. Of course, she'd wake up through the night to feed, but she'd go right back to sleep after. After she went to bed, it was my time to relax, study, and complete my assignments. I didn't go out much, and at that time my entire life was consumed with being a mother and studying. It was challenging, as my ex-husband is a pilot and I was often alone. So organising my time really helped with that. Two years later, I graduated. 

What I wish I knew as a young parent...

I wish I had known that I was doing a pretty good job. I always thought I wasn't. As mums, we're always so hard on ourselves when we make mistakes. Sometimes, you have to pat yourself on the back and give yourself credit for getting through the challenges of being a mum. It's so fulfilling to be a mother, it’s the best job in the world and it’s such a privilege. But we also need to talk more about the hard parts too. 

For instance, when I had my daughter, I really wanted to breastfeed naturally. I didn't realise that every woman's milk supply is different. My daughter was crying all the time and I didn't understand why. When we took her to see a paediatrician, he suggested that my milk supply was low. I bought a breast pump and realised he was right; it was very little. I realised I was essentially starving my daughter. I remember crying and crying, when my sister finally said, “It's ok. Supplementing breast milk with formula doesn't make you any less of a mother.”

As a new mum, it's crucial to have...

A good support system. Running my business and taking care of my two kids is not easy. Thankfully, my ex-husband is an amazing father, and we co-parent very well. My mother and my sister also live not far from me, so they are a huge source of support and help. 

My advice to young mothers today...

Having a kid is the most wonderful thing that you can do. No matter how much you prepare, you’ll never really be able to foresee or know what it actually feels like until the baby arrives. At the same time, being a mum is a tough job, and you really need to know that this is what you want. I have a daughter and I wouldn't recommend her to go through what I did. I would want her to enjoy life and do the things a regular 20- or 21-year-old would do before settling down.    

A digital skills educator and speaker who has worked at Grow With Google and Common Ground, Mollie Boyd is not afraid to tackle a challenge head-on or speak her mind when it matters. At 20, she gave birth to her son, enduring a great deal of criticism from relatives and friends for doing so. She credits her parents as her greatest support during that time; making them a firm promise to pursue her tertiary education after her son was born. 

“I have no regrets to this day,” she muses, now happily married and the mother of a strapping 13-year-old, who is often mistaken for her younger sibling when the pair go out together. “I would go to school to complete my A-Levels and then come back to see him at my parents' place on weekends. When he was three years old, I left to pursue my studies in the US. The night before my flight, I couldn't sleep, and the next morning, I told my parents I wasn't going,” she says with a broad grin, gratefully acknowledging her mother's tenacity in eventually convincing her to go abroad to study.   

“She gave it some time and then talked me through it, saying ‘If you want the best for your son, you have to do this for yourself’. That was the trigger for me, and I realised if I don’t get a proper education, I wouldn't be able to raise him well. For that moment on, everything I did in my life was for him.”

Being a mum in my early 20s was...

Difficult, to be honest. I didn’t know the drill of motherhood or what that even looked like. I came from a community where parents had a very strict kind of relationship with their kids. There was a lot of pressure from all the mothers I knew to do things a certain way, which I didn't always agree with. I get that they wanted their kids to turn out well. But you're also in danger of suppressing them and not giving them room to share their true feelings with you. Finally, my dad asked me what I wanted for my son. I realised that I wanted him to be able to open up to me and treat me like his friend and his biggest supporter. 

What I want for my child is...

To learn to respect women. Every mother should educate her boys on how to treat a girl or a woman right. I also tell him that it's ok for him to be in the kitchen helping out. It was different from the traditional ways my family members raised their sons.

What I wish I knew as a young parent...

I'm glad for the way things happened. I'm glad I got to be myself, to have my own kind of motherhood and not be influenced by anyone else.  

My advice to young mothers today...

I believe there’s no harm in being a mother at a young age. There shouldn't be criticism if it's your personal choice and as long as you have a game plan on raising your child. I've met lots of mothers, some who have also had unplanned pregnancies, who feel like their whole world is shattered because they're going to have their child. I’m like, ‘No! Your life is just beginning’.

Don't get overwhelmed by the criticism. Focus on the next step. Get yourself an education. Don't lose your confidence. You’re going to feel pressure and you’ll cry. But when that happens, hold yourself tight and remember that your child will be your greatest motivation to succeed.

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