Cover Story: Two mothers fighting for equal citizenship

Rekha Sen: When I was in university, my lecturer told me that it would “probably be best for me” if I had transferred from the engineering department to the architecture department, because the engineering department “was no place for a woman”. I was surprised, because I’d gone to him for advice on the course module [for engineering] thinking that I would have gotten some encouragement from someone I regarded as a mentor.

Suriani Kempe: I had a similar experience. While I noticed that at a young age girls and boys were treated differently, growing up in Malaysia, you tend to believe that being a girl wasn’t necessarily going to put you at a disadvantage. But when reality hit me for the first time, it was like a slap to the face. When I was in university studying in the States, a Malaysian diplomat visited our campus to speak to the students. At the time, I was like, “Wow, that’s what I want to do! I want to be a diplomat and be able to travel for work!”

After his speech was over, I went up to him to ask for advice on what it would take for me to become a diplomat. I remember that he looked me up and down, and then he said he “didn’t think it was a job suitable for women”, because susah kalau perempuan nak jadi diplomat, [it’s hard if a woman wants to be a diplomat] as it would be difficult for a woman to find a husband “who will be willing to follow you around”.

I was taken aback, of course, and then he proceeded to turn to the guy next to me, who asked the same exact question. I was stunned. While I was raised to believe that there wasn’t anything [women] couldn’t do, the reality was that by simply being a woman, these gender norms were going to put me at a disadvantage in my career journey.

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R: Yeah, during my career, I was told while working for an engineering firm that unless I was willing to go to clubs, golf courses and parties, I would never make it in the industry because those were the places where all the big deals were made. It felt like the door was already closed to me before I could even start. Which was an awful feeling.

S: And then they wonder why there aren’t more women in leadership roles or STEM, right? This isn’t to say there aren’t any significant changes, of course—we have women opening their own businesses, taking up leadership positions, and that’s a result of active initiatives. Like the [revised Malaysian Code for Institutional Investors] that ensures the corporate sector has a minimum of 30 per cent of women in decision-making roles on the board. Policies that introduce women to leadership positions in the civil service are actively being pursued, because people realise that there are gaps that need to be addressed.

However, while more women are moving into male-dominated spaces, they are still being treated differently. When did you start thinking “enough was enough”?

R: Things piled up until I felt pressured to consider a career change. And I did. Because it felt like an uphill battle that I knew would leave me exhausted for all the wrong reasons. To succeed in the [engineering] field, I had to be extremely good at what I did and yet, I would have doors closed to me irrespective of my abilities.

S: Did it feel like you had to work twice as hard, just to prove you’re half as good [as men]?

R: Absolutely. I had to prove myself even more because the expectations were made so much higher [for me] due to the biased preconceptions, where it was thought that I couldn’t possibly have the skills required of the job based on my gender.

It’s the same with the citizenship issue. I found it ridiculous that it had to be such a struggle. Here I was, being penalised for being a woman who chose to marry a foreigner. Why? I pay the same taxes just like any other Malaysian citizen, we’re sitting in the same meeting rooms, so why the discrimination?

S: Exactly! We can’t just put our heads in the sand and ignore the elephant in the room anymore. There’s only so much lip service about how “all women are equal” that we can take without actual follow-up. Most men, if asked about their thoughts about the discrimination against women, would say, “Of course they’re not discriminated against; women are all equal!”

But if we looked at the many systemic issues that revolve around. the discriminatory practices against gender—and really home in on the pain points as to why the wage gap between men and women exist, as well as how it’s intertwined with the lack of effective maternity or paternity leave plans—you’ll realise that there’s no equal opportunity system.

R: I agree. Even fathers have a hard time taking paternity leave to help care for their newborn. Yes, we are in a time where women can better use our voices and platforms to stand in solidarity with one another, but it’s also important to note that most women, particularly those in underserved communities, don’t start on the same playing field as the men; women are, first and foremost, expected to be the caregiver—childcare, homemaking, et cetera. Even when we’re a little more comfortable with the idea of women being in leadership positions, visible representation is vital so young girls can see themselves aspiring to be an influential figure, be it in politics, business or activism.

To read the rest of the conversation, grab a copy of the March 2023 issue from newsstands or click here for the digital copy.

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