Cover Neurodivergent is non-medical term used to describe individuals whose brains process, learn or experience the world differently from what is considered typical (Photo: Getty Images)
Neurodivergent is non-medical term used to describe individuals whose brains process, learn or experience the world differently from what is considered typical (Photo: Getty Images)
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The term neurodivergence is everywhere, but it can become so broad that it stops being useful. Foxworth Institute’s Mary Foxworth looks at how differences in attention, sensory processing, communication and regulation can show up in relationships, intimacy, family life and work
Neurodivergence seems to be everywhere right now, but let’s (hyper)focus on what it actually means, and how it can show up in adult life.
The term neurodivergent is not a medical diagnosis. It is a broad term used to describe people whose brains process, learn or experience the world differently from what is considered typical. Attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), autism and dyslexia are among the neurotypes commonly discussed under the umbrella, but they are not interchangeable and no two people will experience them in exactly the same way.
I was diagnosed ADHD during pregnancy, in adulthood. But rather than offering another checklist of signs that might encourage people to diagnose themselves, it is more useful to look at some of the ways neurodivergence can affect the parts of adult life we navigate every day: relationships, sex, family and work.
Intimate relationships: when clarity matters
Above Autistic individuals can struggle in intimate relationships where parties are expected to read between the lines (Photo: Getty Images)
Autistic individuals can struggle in intimate relationships where parties are expected to read between the lines (Photo: Getty Images)
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For some neurodivergent adults, particularly autistic people, explicit communication can be easier to navigate than implied social cues.
Dating, by contrast, often rewards reading between the lines and decoding unwritten rules. An authentic need for clarity—wanting to know whether someone is interested, asking directly for a date or being conversational over text—can sometimes be read as “too forward”, “too direct” or simply “too much”.
We are also conditioned to expect physical affection, sustained eye contact and flowing conversation as universal markers of romantic interest. For people with certain sensory or communication differences, some of these interactions may feel uncomfortable, overwhelming or simply unnatural.
Then there is our obsession with unspoken intuition: the idea that a loving partner should somehow know what we need without being told. That guesswork can create problems in any relationship. Research on ADHD adults has also consistently identified difficulties with emotional regulation in some people, which can make miscommunication harder to manage.
Clear dialogue, healthy boundaries and giving each other permission to pause when emotions run high can make a considerable difference.
Read more: “You don’t look autistic”: Why neurodivergent women have been sidelined
Sexual intimacy: when every sense is involved
The brain plays a central role in sexual response. Research into autistic adults has found that sensory differences can influence sexual experiences in very different ways. Sex engages multiple senses at once: touch, taste, scent, sound, texture and temperature. For some people, particular sensations can become overwhelming or uncomfortable; for others, heightened sensory experiences can be pleasurable.
Attention can matter too. A 2025 study by Jensen-Fogt and Pedersen involving 815 women found that greater inattentive ADHD traits were associated with less consistent orgasms. The study did not establish that ADHD causes difficulty reaching orgasm, but it does suggest that attention may be one part of the sexual experience we talk about far too little.
The important point is that sexual disconnection is not always about attraction or desire. Sometimes attention, sensory input and the cognitive demands of staying present are part of the picture.
In case you missed it: The importance of good sex, according to Maaike Steinebach and Sara Tang
Family life: the invisible logistics
Above The cognitive processes involved in running a household can overwhelm an ADHD individual (Photo: Getty Images)
The cognitive processes involved in running a household can overwhelm an ADHD individual (Photo: Getty Images)
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Running a home and managing family life involves an astonishing amount of invisible administration: meal planning, school schedules, appointments, cleaning, emails, bills, shopping and remembering where everyone needs to be tomorrow morning. Behind much of this sits executive function, the cognitive processes involved in planning, organising, prioritising, initiating tasks and holding information in working memory.
Research on ADHD has repeatedly linked the condition with difficulties in executive function. In daily life, these can look remarkably ordinary: forgotten appointments, unread emails, half-finished chores or struggling to begin a task that, objectively, should take ten minutes. Add the sensory demands of family life—constant household noise, multiple conversations, physical contact or the demands of feeding and caring for young children—and the cognitive load can become even greater for people with sensory sensitivities.
From the outside, this can sometimes look like carelessness or disorganisation. The experience on the inside can be very different: someone exerting significant effort simply to keep all the moving parts moving.
Work: attention isn’t always straightforward
Above Attention at work can be challenging for an ADHD individual, and open-plan offices can complicate matters (Photo: Getty Images)
Attention at work can be challenging for an ADHD individual, and open-plan offices can complicate matters (Photo: Getty Images)
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Neurodivergence can become particularly visible at work because modern workplaces demand so many different kinds of attention simultaneously. Many ADHD adults describe periods of intense focus on subjects or tasks that particularly engage them. Yet routine or repetitive tasks can be much harder to initiate or sustain, even when the person knows they need to be done.
So someone might spend hours absorbed in solving a complex creative problem, then struggle disproportionately with a straightforward piece of administration. That contradiction can be difficult for colleagues—and for the individual themselves—to understand.
The physical workplace can add another challenge. Studies of autistic and other neurodivergent adults have documented the effort involved in filtering background noise, coping with lighting and other sensory input, and navigating unwritten social expectations at work. Open-plan offices can therefore demand considerable cognitive energy before the actual work has even begun.
Read more: Why Gen Z gets a bad rap at work
Some neurodivergent employees also describe masking: consciously monitoring or suppressing behaviours in order to meet workplace expectations. Research into autistic adults, in particular, has linked sustained masking with significant exhaustion and poorer wellbeing.
The solution is not to assume that every neurodivergent employee needs the same accommodation. It is to ask what allows a particular person to do their best work. For one person, that might mean noise-cancelling headphones. For another, clearer written instructions, fewer interruptions or somewhere quiet to focus.
Living more authentically
This is where the broad term “neurodivergence” can be both useful and limiting. It can give people language for experiences they may previously have struggled to explain. But while ADHD, autism and dyslexia are commonly described as forms of neurodivergence, they are all separate diagnoses or learning differences, and should not be used interchangeably. A difficult relationship, messy kitchen, distracting office or wandering mind does not by itself make somebody neurodivergent.
The point is not to turn everyday human behaviour into symptoms. It is to understand that differences in attention, sensory processing, communication and regulation can have very practical consequences in adult life—often in places we do not immediately associate with the brain.
For some adults, particularly those diagnosed later in life, understanding those differences can also mean questioning years of trying to behave in ways that never felt natural.
Your needs, whether for clearer communication, fewer sensory demands or a different way of organising your day, are not automatically unreasonable. Sometimes understanding how your brain works is simply the beginning of designing a life that works better with it.
Mary Foxworth is the founder of Foxworth Institute, delivering research-backed education for human connection across all age groups and neurotypes. A Board-Certified Sexologist holding degrees in law, criminology and political science, she combines multidisciplinary expertise with neurodivergent lived experience to design resources that protect, empower, and connect.
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