Cover Fendi lilac suit; Chopard Happy Hearts earrings in red stone, ethical rose gold and diamonds
Our March cover story puts the spotlight on actress and model Zahirah Macwilson. Below is an excerpt from the interview.

Zahirah Macwilson turned 27 last February; her son, Isaac, celebrated his first birthday bash the month before. In 2020, she debuted in Bulan dan Pria Terhebat, an action-packed comedy film directed by Ghaz Abu Bakar, as Bulan, a fierce Indonesian special forces trainee who gets embroiled in a human-trafficking syndicate while trying to find her kidnapped sister, Melati.

Then, just a day after her cover shoot and a scant few hours before our interview, both her and her manager had another project that lasted till two in the morning. “It is what it is,” they both said, and waved away my concerned tittering with serene expressions.

Her father, Zainol Macwilson, is a veteran in both the local entertainment industry and out—literally, because not only is the man an actor who starred in 40 television dramas in the ’90s and had five films to his name, including the decade’s iconic Jimi Asmara, he was once a corporal that served in the British Army in the ’80s, touring in then West Germany as well as Northern Ireland. He was contemporaries with many of Malaysia’s biggest names, such as Tiara Jacquelina, Ridzuan Hashim, Alice Voon and Dato’ Jalaluddin Hassan.

See also: 12 Asian Actresses Making it Big in Hollywood 

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Above Dior top and skirt; Chopard Happy Hearts red stone earrings and malachite necklace in rose gold and diamonds

Content creator, mother, model, actress, and a television host, Zahirah was at first an intimidating force of nature for a fellow 27-year-old such as myself, much like any other multi-hyphenate that I’ve crossed paths with over the years. The idea of juggling that many responsibilities was exhausting, and I couldn’t help but wonder about the person who could do it all and stay standing.

When I conveyed my incredulity to Zahirah, a short burst of laughter was what answered me at first. “It’s not at all like that! I mean, while it’s really about prioritising what’s most important to you, trust me when I say that when I first started, I was the type who would read all the comments [on social media] and I would get hurt over them.

“It got me to the point where I thought that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this after all, that maybe I really wasn’t good enough, just like how those comments had said. Whenever I got that way, I would call my mom and she would always say the same thing, that no matter what, I came into this industry with a goal in mind and I knew what I wanted, so all that outside noise shouldn’t matter."

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She continues: "They’re not the ones paying your bills, and they aren’t the ones who are going to be there for you when you’re at rock bottom—so why should you take what they say about you to heart? At the end of the day, life goes on, and so do the people that live it, so what do you want to focus on? The negativity from those who don’t even know you? Or the positivity of doing what you love and being loved by those who believe in you? For me, my son and my family are my number one. It took me a while, but I realised that a life lived fullest is one where you fill with the things that fulfil you the most.”

See also: How to Open Up About Mental Health to Friends and Family

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'gallery right' 'gallery right'
Photo 1 of 3 Fendi lilac suit; Chopard Happy Hearts earrings in red stone, ethical rose gold and diamonds
Photo 2 of 3 Valentino outfit; Chopard jewellery
Photo 3 of 3 Hermes jacket and dress; Chopard Happy Hearts ring, earrings and necklaces in ethical white gold and diamonds, Happy Hearts bangles in ethical rose gold, diamonds and mother-of-pearl

But that didn’t mean the pressure to perform every single role she played in life and onscreen wasn’t absent, said Zahirah. This included being a mother who works in the entertainment industry and has to contend with intense public scrutiny on a daily basis.

Now, it bears saying that though every pregnancy journey is different, motherhood is as a whole, a life-changing event; not only does it physically transform you, but it affects you emotionally as well. The life you lived prior to being pregnant is vastly different than before, as you are now responsible for nurturing the life growing inside you. The act of giving birth itself is traumatic, the body pushed to its limit in doing so.

Although you’ll eventually heal, you know the change will be permanent. “When I gave birth, I felt [that pressure] straight away,” Zahirah confesses, describing the bout of postpartum depression she experienced after having Isaac. “I was like, what’s going to happen next, you know? The guilt and worry was nagging at me—am I a bad mother for wanting to still do what I love? Can I still do what I love at all or everything that I want to do in this life? What about my son?”

See also: 'No Time to Die' Actress Ana de Armas Fights The Bad Guys In Chopard Jewellery

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Above Max Mara trench coat; Chopard Happy Hearts earrings in ethical rose gold and malachite with diamonds, Happy Hearts Twist rings in both mother-of-pearl and red stone separately

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Although she was clearly not one to back down from a challenge, being the daughter of a man who has done it all and then some was a tall order, especially when she was essentially following in her father’s footsteps. When I asked if she ever felt the weight of the name she carried, Zahirah, not without a considering pause, said that she definitely has, as she wanted to make sure she was doing right by him because he was one of the pivotal figures in her growth as an actor.

His military background in particular, was one of the key things to her crafting Bulan’s character in Ghaz’s movie. “He was thinking of casting me as the sister (Melati), first as they wanted to find someone that was actually from Indonesia. It was until after pre-production when he went, ‘you know what, I think you can carry Bulan,’” recalls Zahirah. “I immediately said, ‘are you serious?’, and even though I had nerves—because Malay was already a language I struggled with despite my best efforts so learning Indonesian was a pretty daunting task—I was more than ready. I put myself through months of training, which included Muay Thai, learning action choreography and went to a dialogue coach to learn how to actually speak the language well. I didn’t just want to act the role, I wanted to be the role."

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For Zahirah, agent Bulan wasn’t just a character—she, alongside Sarah, a ruthless hired gun played by Sofia Dendroff in the film, were hallmarks of a new era in the context of Malaysian cinema, the antithesis of the ‘heroines’ we’re used to seeing in local dramas or feature films.

Now keep in mind that while women-led movies in Malaysia aren’t a new concept at all, there are ‘supposed’ roles we’re used to seeing them perform. Not that the spunky, sunny charm of the budak kampung or the gentle darling with a heart of gold aren’t well-loved classics but there is a reason as to why they are considered as such.

“A major part of what makes acting so fun is its diversity,” says Zahirah. “Because you play different characters, you get to learn something new every time you explore their stories. Bulan was an amazing breakthrough for me as I wanted to get away from cliched stereotypes. I was lucky enough to have an action movie with a female lead as my first. She made me grow by pushing me beyond my comfort zone. Which I think goes to show that the film industry is headed towards being a more inclusive, open space, albeit a little slowly.”

For the full story, pick up a copy of the March 2022 issue in all good bookstores and newsstands, or get a digital copy here.

Credits

Photography  

Paulius Staniunas/All is Amazing

Styling  

Azza Arif

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