Thoughts of get-togethers with Malay friends bring forth happy memories of warm hospitality and gentle mannerisms. With Hari Raya Puasa being joyously celebrated on July 28, this seems an opportune time to reflect on appropriate etiquette.

©Raelene Tan

Gift Giving

Gifts for festive celebrations are almost always appreciated. Alcohol and cigarettes should not be given, due to religious considerations, nor should ash trays or wine glasses. A gift of money is acceptable, normally presented in a green, flowery envelope. The amount can be in an odd or even denomination.

A gift of a bouquet of flowers (especially roses, a symbol of love and beauty), though not necessary, would be appreciated by the host family, as would sweets, fruit, chocolates or cakes. However, make sure food items are halal or acceptable under Islamic law.

Red and green are the colours to choose when selecting wrapping paper, with red signifying love and green symbolising religion.

Dress Code

Remember to dress modestly when attending a Malay function. It is preferable to cover the arms and knees, whether male or female. If attending an official function, especially in Malaysia, one should be aware that the colour yellow is for Malay royalty, therefore a commoner should not wear that colour.

Greetings

The traditional Malay gesture, upon meeting and taking leave, is for both parties to proffer two hands each and very gently touch each other’s hands, then lightly touch their own chests with the fingers of both hands. This is known as salam and is performed between members of the same sex. These days, shaking hands is often done between men, especially with foreigners.

Muslim ladies prefer not to shake hands with, or touch, males. A smile and gentle nod of the head may be the appropriate gesture. Casual touching is considered inappropriate.

Body Language

After removing shoes, one may find oneself seated on a mat on the floor in a traditional Malay home; do not sit directly in front of the door. Men often sit cross-legged, while women place their legs together to either side, with feet tucked away. When seated on a chair, it is best not to cross one leg over the other and not to expose the soles of one’s feet as this is considered impolite.

It is also considered impolite to use the left hand for any social occasion. When giving or receiving an item, the right hand must be used, supported by the left hand if necessary.

Verbal Mores

The customary greeting at a Hari Raya Puasa event is, “Selamat Hari Raya” (‘peaceful Hari Raya’ or ‘peaceful celebration day’).

When taking leave of a Malay family, it is not usual to say goodbye but rather utter a phrase asking permission to leave, such as, “I’ll be leaving now, if you don’t mind”.

Appreciating and being comfortable with social niceties amongst different ethnic communities, makes for even happier relations all round.

Excerpts from “Indian & Malay Etiquette – A Matter of Course” by Raelene Tan, published by Landmark Books.