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A life coach shares the importance of empathy and caring for others, no matter where you are
It starts in school, when teachers ask us what we wish for our toddlers to be by the end of the year. I remember feeling like an underachieving parent when I simply asked that my children come home happy and kinder than they did the day before.
Somehow, as our society progresses, we seem to be so determined to push ahead and celebrate certain skills, forgetting basic human ones like kindness. The Singapore government even has programs like The Singapore Kindness Movement, aimed at encouraging our society to be kinder. Why have we forgotten this, and do we need to teach people how to be kinder?
As a life coach and happiness enthusiast for over a decade, the kinds of attributes that people found important to possess have changed over the years. When I spoke to parents 13 years ago, they talked so much about instilling confidence and communication skills in their kids; today, it’s resilience, grit, and determination that they focus on.
Each of these are equally important, and truthfully the combination of them can catapult us to success. Yet, as I look around, I see competition rising among people. People care less about being kind, being good, and treating others the way we want to be treated.
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If society has changed over time, and we have diluted something as simple as kindness, I am worried for the younger generation to be able to speak, think and behave kindly. It is human nature to act on instinct and have self-preservation, but in developed societies, even as we toil to get ahead, we need to know how to pause, be mindful, and be kind. Kindness in the most basic sense is to be caring, compassionate and generous.
When we are stressed or busy, it can take a little more effort to think about the needs of others around you. Yet we find excuses as to why we didn’t hold the door open for the person behind us, or genuinely thank the petrol station attendant for filling up our tank. We know times are hard, and believe it’s our right to think of ourselves first.
By no means do I believe in living completely selflessly, giving up our possessions and only doing things for the good of others, but I think we need to stop, pause, reflect, and think, speak and behave with kindness. When we start to do that, we will also grow more as individuals and feel far happier.
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Showing Kindness Everywhere
I tell my children all the time that the saying “treating others the way you want to be treated” is easy to say aloud, but harder to put in practice. Thinking kindly can only happen when we allow ourselves to notice people—and their feelings. When we allow ourselves to have enough space in our hearts to notice others around us; how they feel, behave and react, we are open to their emotions. We then have the compassion and emotional intelligence to instinctively know how to respond or react.
Recently, I was standing in line at the money exchange and saw an elderly couple. The wife was in a wheelchair, and the husband could not help her up when they stopped. I reached out my hand to help her out of her wheelchair. It didn’t require a lot from me, just the ability to notice those around me, and step out of line to help them.
The Singapore Kindness Movement is trying to bring that back to our society, to teach people when you see someone who might need a seat more than you on the bus or the MRT train to know to get up, and give it to them. When we avoid eye contact on public transport, or don’t look into the eyes of someone who you know needs the seat more than you, you are shrinking that ability inside you that every human is born with to be kind, to genuinely go out of your way for someone else.
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Speaking with kindness also goes a long way at work too, especially when people feel burnt out and exhausted from the shift in working from home and now returning to the office.
Going out of your way to speak kindly, asking people how they feel, and showing empathy can make the difference of how people feel towards their company and job. Even when we correspond by WhatsApp or emails to friends, or colleagues, simple words like “thank you” or questions showing care for others can boost their mood, and release endorphins even for you.
I hope we can all take the time to think how we can be kinder during the different parts of our day. For me, my petrol station auntie always gets a sugar roll when I make my payment, and she provides me with a huge smile, chatter of her family, and has the most positive enthusiastic personality that I am so grateful for. Kindness can come in different forms, and as we teach our younger generation to care and be kinder, let’s not forget to be kind to ourselves too.
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