Review: Bliss Fat Girl Slim

We are firm believers that a toned and slim body comes from a combination of a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. But let’s face it, that’s a lot of work. And discipline. And not a whole lot of fun. So with “let’s enjoy the last days of summer” invites to pool parties and boating excursions coming in, we decided to try something a little more drastic: Bliss’ Fat Girl Slim treatment.

The 75-minute treatment promises to not only be “a savior before slipping into anything curve hugging”, but also to firm up your skin, reduce water retention and reduce cellulite. It starts with a dry brush, where the therapist uses, well, a dry brush, all over your body, which is supposed to help with lymphatic circulation.

This is then followed by an application of Bliss “Shrink” oil, which is made of grapefruit from South Africa. Although the treatment only targets the stomach, lower back, thighs and buttocks, the oil is still applied all over the body.

After that, a seaweed mask is applied to your “problem areas”: the thighs, stomach and bum. If your problem area were elsewhere, say your upper arms, you would have to pay extra as an add-on. The mask is warm when it is applied and before it dries, you are rolled in a cling film, before having towels piled on you, as apparently sweating during the process will help you lose more inches.

The seaweed mask is supposed to stay on for about 20-30 minutes, during which the therapist will give you a head massage. This has nothing to do with weight loss, but is very soothing anyway.

The seaweed mask turns rubbery when it dries, so it can be easily peeled off. The final portion of the treatment includes your love handles rubbed with a minty Love Handler lotion. The Love Handler contains lipid release booster and amino acids, which are meant to “stimulate circulation and boost cellular metabolism”, while your thighs and front of your stomach get either Bliss’ bestselling FatGirlSlim or FatGirlSleep lotion massaged in.

The two lotions are essentially the same, with caffeine as a main ingredient. The theory is that caffeine enhances fat metabolism and reduces some of the swelling that are located around fatty tissues, so the skin appears smoother and cellulite appears reduced. The main difference between the two is that FatGirlSleep also has lavender, so that the scent will relax you and put you to sleep.

According to our therapist, the FatGirlSlim daytime lotion simulates the burn you feel during a workout, enhances circulation and the draining of toxins. As it was nearly evening when we tried the treatment, we had the FatGirlSleep evening version, and can’t say we felt any similar exercise/burn sensation.

In fact, overall, we had to say we were a little disappointed with the treatment. Yes, it was unrealistic to expect magical results from a 75-minute treatment, and our therapist did say that you had to come once a week to see results. But as we wiggled back into our tight trousers (we had purposefully worn our tightest pair to see if there was a bit more room post-treatment), we felt a tad deflated, mentally.

We had not magically whittled inches off our waist and thighs, but on the other hand, our skin was silky smooth from the grapefruit oil, we smelled wonderful and the views from the 72^nd floor spa would cheer anyone up. As we contemplated having a dip in the vitality pool (pictured below), we realised that even if we didn’t look thinner immediately, the magic FatGirlSlim cream could be working its magic on our thighs while we slept, at least until we showered the next day.