Malaysian powerhouses Tan Sri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil and Datuk Yvonne Chia on motherhood and raising daughters who lead

Of safe spaces and ‘Steel magnolias’

“The golden rule in my family is ‘If you hold dust, make sure it turns to gold. And don’t hold gold and let it turn to dust’.”

This guiding principle, shared by Tan Sri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, encapsulates her life philosophyfrom cherishing family to prioritising boundaries. As a lawyer, the chairperson of two publicly listed companies, and Malaysia’s Minister of Women, Family and Community Development for 11 years, she often travelled across the country for work.

Yet, of all the sacrifices that came with being a career woman, missing out on important family functions was not one she was prepared to make.

“Family is important to me,” says the Penang-born politician. “I’m a firm believer in starting small and setting a firm foundation. I read about some mothers who give their children big, grand dreams–Did I do that to my kids? No. I gave them roots and taught them respect. We gave our children a safe space to flourish, to fail, to love, laugh and achieve.”

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A fun-loving, family-oriented lady at heart (“I gave my mother palpitations growing up,” Shahrizat admits with wit), her approach to motherhood hinged on the strength of a support system in place–from a loving husband who never made his wife feel guilty about working long hours—to her mother, who lived with the family after Shahrizat’s father passed away.

Drawing inspiration from the “steel magnolias” of her own family, women who commanded respect with quiet strength, Shahrizat encouraged her daughter, Izzana Salleh, to embrace her femininity, even as a woman in a man’s world.

“Being feminine is powerful. When I tried to behave like a man, I failed miserably,” she says, emphasising that true leadership lies in authenticity, regardless of gender. “In all honesty, I didn’t have conversations with my sons or with Izzana about a woman’s role in the world,” Shahrizat recalls.

“Coming from a patriarchal but loving family, I was unapologetically carrying the tradition of my parents—but never at Izzana’s expense.”  Today, Shahrizat’s relationship with Izzana is a source of immense pride and comfort. “I may have given her a safe space when she was growing up. But when she’s around today, I feel safe.”   

Don’t miss: Izzana Salleh shares 4 ways to foster courageous female leadership

Measuring success through care

“Every time I talk to someone, they’re like, ‘Oh, your mum’s quite…’ and they taper off at ‘quite’,” laughs Izzana Salleh.

Quite what? To the outside world, Izzana’s mother, Tan Sri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, is quite formidable. Quite gregarious. Quite loud. Quite something else. But seen through her daughter Izzana’s eyes, there is no ‘quite’ about it, only a fully-formed larger-than-life personality that holds her family together. 

“As a kid, you know, my mum, for me, was just as normal as everyone else’s,” says Izzana. “She was the kind of working mum that brought me around to election campaigns and political meetings. So, I’ve been witnessing her work for years. I grew up with a highly energetic mum who always woke up with a purpose for people and also for herself. It’s not really a surprise that I ended up in impact work. It’s just how we grew up.”

Read more: From boss to leader: How to master the skills of leadership, learning and growth

After all, Izzana Salleh herself is quite a personality. The co-founder and president of Girls for Girls is a committed, caring leader who pursues fair and equal opportunities for girls to develop into leaders. While her achievements are her own, Izzana credits her drive, spirit, and capacity for compassion to her mother. 

“I wasn’t raised in a place where I was told to be submissive. I was not told to cower. I didn’t see a woman cowering. Not my grandma, not my mum, not my aunties.” It’s not hubris. It’s a quiet confidence that Izzana has grown into because she was assured of her place in the world by a mother who visibly demonstrated from day one that a woman not only belongs in the workplace—she belongs in leadership, and she is capable of enacting change on a national level. “And one thing she’s quite unmatched in—she’s a damn good manager,” Izzana tells us.  

“She runs a tight ship, not just in her workplace, but also at home. I remember when I was younger, my mum was at the peak of her political and government work. A lot of people always said, ‘Oh, do you feel like you don’t get to see your mum?’ I’m like, ‘I see my mum all the time!’”

By Izzana’s account, her mother never missed a concert, a sports day, a report card day, or anything. “Her time management skills are par none,” Izzana says. “She met her goals; she did the big things, she did the small things. I’m still trying to figure out how she did that.”

And through it all, the one thing that stands out: a consistent thread of compassion and care, even in the smallest moments. “She has a daily practice where she sits and thinks: ‘Okay, what have I done to help people today?’ It’s a practice she’s now embedded in me also.

Forging independence, mother and daughter

Datuk Yvonne Chia’s definition of happiness may surprise you. “It’s the fulfilment that comes from being resilient and adaptable,” says the veteran banker.

As an independent non-executive chairman of a global bank in Malaysia and several listed companies, as well as a mentor to future entrepreneurs at Teach for Malaysia and the Asian Institute of Chartered Bankers, Chia’s influence is undeniable. But beneath the formidable exterior lies a woman whose journey has shaped her into the resilient matriarch she is today—even if it came at a price.

“I found joy along the way. I had robust conversations with many people—including my children,” Chia adds. “Francesca is a critical thinker, and she suffers no fools. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend with her. I may not have hugged her as much as I wanted to because I wasn’t around to do that,” she candidly admits, acknowledging the sacrifices inherent in balancing a demanding career with raising a child. 

Did she regret missing out on crucial moments in her daughter’s life? Of course, she did. Motherhood isn’t a perfect journey, but it must be said that Chia is–and always has been–a fast learner.

“I took for granted that she was very capable and at the top of her class. I thought she could handle everything,” she says. “I found a note she wrote about her mother not being there at her school events. At the next school event, I made sure I was there. After the second and third time I went, she said, ‘Mum, you don’t need to go.’”

When Francesca was leaving for university, Chia was there to see her off and celebrate with her at her graduation. “I may not have been around that much. But my actions, my behaviour, my movement—my kids observed it, and it was a kind of lesson for them.”

Chia challenges the idea that career and motherhood are mutually exclusive. “Put them together, but of course, it won’t be perfect. Something has to give,” she says.

In her case, the “outcome” of this balancing act was the resilience it fostered in Francesca, who is a successful entrepreneur and founder today. “I don’t think Francesca ever realised that there is a glass ceiling as a woman. She simply did what she saw me do, like any man would—giving her best to realise her potential and pursue the roles she believed she could lead.”

Real-life leadership

“When I was around eight, I remember many people asking: what does your dad do? What does your mum do? I would just be like, ‘My dad runs a business. My mum is the CEO of a bank.’ And I remember the facial reactions they would give me,” Francesca Chia says. “I thought I’d answered very directly. But then I started to think, ‘Wait a second. Maybe this isn’t normal.’”

Because truly there is nothing normal about Datuk Yvonne Chia, a powerhouse in the corporate sector and the first Malaysian woman CEO of a bank. But by the same token, neither is Francesca Chia ‘normal’—she is the founder and CEO of GoGet, the on-demand work platform that is changing the status quo of what employment looks like for a new generation of workers. That passion and vision didn’t come from nowhere.

“I was fully exposed to this very involved mother in the economy and a very active figure in employment,” Francesca tells us. “I did not think that was odd. I thought that was ordinary, that’s what women do.”

See also: GoGet Founder Francesca Chia on Entrepreneurship and Leadership

It’s certainly what Chia did. A core memory stands out for Francesca: the day her mother was invited to be the keynote speaker for a Shell initiative aimed at retaining female middle management employees and ensuring they had the incentive and opportunities to work towards leadership positions.

“I was invited as a panel speaker, completely separately,” says Francesca. “I was waiting to go on stage for my session, and [Chia] went first. Her session was titled, ‘How to have it all’, or something like that. And the first thing she said was, ‘You can’t. You can’t have it all.’”

It was the first time she had heard her mother express this out loud.

“She carried on, ‘You have to have hard trade-offs. And you need to be okay with that. For me, I knew I couldn’t be there for everything. But I chose three important things: Health. Education. Values.’ And I realised that’s true. Every time I was sick my mum was there. Out of everything, she made sure I got into school and made sure I applied to university. And I remember she always said, ‘You should find a guy with drive, not a rich guy.’ Those moments really sit with me.”

Then, a woman in the audience raised her hand. “She said, ‘I can’t help but feel that I will feel guilty if I work, and my child is at home.’ At that moment, I realised: I can tell you the perspective of your child, because I was that person. So I jumped in and said, ‘I need you to be fully aware—the only reason why I can sit on this panel, and I’m invited to speak is purely because of my mum and what she did. Whatever her lack of presence with me was still an important presence somewhere else. And as a child, I saw it. I have this immense strength to be who I am, because of what she showed me from afar.”

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