Why It’s Important to Embrace Failure From a Young Age

For some, failing is never an option. But what if we were taught from a young age to embrace failure? What would happen if we started to share more about why we fall and how we can stand back up again, instead of only focusing on success and achievement? Here is a peek into my failure

For anyone growing up in an Asian household, failing or even teetering on average can be viewed as failing. Parents strive for perfection and don’t allow for failure. As children, failure simply means a cloudy shadow over our head, witnessing a crestfallen look on our parents' faces and the feeling of overwhelming shame. Granted we don’t want or encourage our kids to fail, but I wish some of our parents had the knowledge to take a step back and understand failure and have faith that children can stand back up.

When we attach such negative stigma to getting things wrong, messing up, or simply having a bad day, it trains our minds to constantly second guess ourselves and to think only within the box. As a life coach, I often hear managers asking me how to encourage or help their staff to “think outside the box”. How can you re-mould an already cooled sculpture? Thinking outside the box requires ingenuity, bravery and a little fearlessness to dip your toe into the water outside the sandbox.

We need to encourage our kids to fall flat on their faces and give them the encouragement that they have the knowledge and ability to stand back up again. As adults too, we need to be fueled not only by success stories of those who have it all but by those who continuously strive to reach their summit.

Give Your Kids Wings

When I was a teen, I definitely wasn’t the sharpest kid in school. I settled comfortably into the middle section of the class, sometimes excelling in things I was gifted at, and failing miserably in others. My mother demanded good grades, and my father demanded my effort. But in reality, we cannot be good at everything. We are built with limitations, and we need to navigate and understand what our limits are. Granted, as kids, we can be pushed to excel, and being the smarted kid in school can come with a few perks.

As a mother of two (Lara is 11 and Arian is 8), my kids are highly imperfect, and I am okay with that. I know to some "tiger mums", I may not push my kids enough, or I should demand more excellence from them. But I have faith in the fact that they give their best. If we keep dangling success and achievements as pegs on a board that ultimately define who they will be, they will always be striving for the next thing. That can generate happiness for some, but not for everyone. The pressure and stress to constantly be the best can take an emotional turn on young adults and as parents and educators, we have to provide the safety net that allows them to fall and pick themselves up again. Happiness is generated when they can acknowledge where they went wrong, see the learning, and make changes going forward. It provides internal motivation and effortful energy to spur you on.

My Failure

In 2012, I started an affordable luxury handbag line, House of Sheens. It was my creative outlet among my consultancy work and I thrived in the midst of designing, marketing, campaign shoots and selling. We were one of the first affordable, exotic skin brands in Singapore and we had a cosy attic showroom in the middle of Amoy Street that was bustling and busy during lunch hours. As the years went by, we had fabulous collaborations with inspiring women within Singapore and developed a harmonious balance between fashion, creativity and fun. I met interesting people, worked with local fashion schools and travelled between the production house in Indonesia and Singapore.

As years went by, I began to feel the pressure of being entangled between customers, production, competition, quality, logistics and costs and the entire shiny world of creating an epitome label began to crumble. I lost my motivation to create and less so to sell. From the outside, I had this startup that had made a tiny little dent in the local fashion scene but was my difficult third child that was sucking all my energy out.

I refused to think about how I was feeling and carried on designing and having events, losing gusto, but sporadically rekindled by people’s encouraging feedback. When I finally took the time to stop and think, I knew I wanted to shut the business down. But some small nagging feeling from deep within was screaming that I was shutting shop and I was failing.

For over a year I played mental ping-pong; I started a creative brand and as the founder, I had the choice to shut it down, and on the other hand; everyone would see this brand close, viewing me as a phoney fashion fraud who failed.

I sat down and listed the successes, the learnings and highs of having this business. After countless sleepless nights, I realised I never lost money—just motivation.

In 2019, I decided to stop manufacturing and felt immense relief and happiness. Failure and how I perceived myself and my brand were fragments of how I was raised, but I had to re-align my thinking, embrace all the wonderfulness that I did derive from it and stand back up.

Failure Leads to Success

With House of Sheens closing, I was able to focus on my coaching and consulting work which morphed into Getting to Happy which I couldn’t be prouder of. I wish I had taken the plunge to shut my business earlier, but I believe everything happens for a reason. The timing was perfect, right before the pandemic, the learning was immense, and the happiness I gained; immeasurable. Be easy on yourself, allow for mistakes, give it your best and see how far you can go.

Topics

failure parenting entrepreneurs business owners

Tatler Asia

Why It’s Important to Embrace Failure From a Young Age

Give Your Kids Wings

My Failure

Failure Leads to Success