Still, when he was pleased with me, I was plied with gifts and treats. The first time I came first in class, I got a watch: a Tissot with a blue suede strap that I wore until it turned black. To make up for being away so much when he was a senator, I could ask for records of my favourite pop groups (remember Paul Revere and the Raiders?). When I did well in my Lower Certificate of Examinations, he took me—just me—on a trip to Hong Kong and Japan.

The relationship between a girl and her dad, and an adult woman and her father, are naturally different. If he did things right at an early age, she would grow up to be a woman with a strong independent mind—something that doesn’t always sit well with a father nostalgic for the little girl he once carried in his arms. As an adult, I have bristled at the expectations heaped on me both by Dad and society. One expects me to toe the line; the other not so much.

To their credit, when it came to the choice of careers, my parents allowed us to do what we liked. I became a journalist and a columnist, careers not that far off from Dad’s days as the columnist C.H.E Det.

A lot has been made of the seemingly divergent views that Dad and I have about many things, especially about human rights. But people have not considered the very different circumstances and education that we had. My parents grew up during the war and had experienced colonialism. Today many young people are waking up to the exploitation of the colonised and the evils it has wrought. I grew up in the post-war era and went to school overseas, where I was exposed to many different ideas, not all of which were “western” ideas. After all, my education on human rights and the equality of all peoples was instilled much later, when I was already at home, thanks to my time working against HIV/AIDS.

The point everyone misses is that I had to make my own way, to find out who I really am, especially since I lived in the shadow of a giant tree—two if you also count Mum. This is not easy when you’re always in the public eye; there are as many measurements of success as there are humans watching you. It’s the journey that is as important as the result, which may be what was expected, or not at all.

See also: These Mother's Day Letters Are The Perfect Way To Say 'I Love You' To Mum

As I get older, I see more similarities between me and my parents. Our opinions about many issues may still be different, and, although we read different books, I like to think I owe my love of reading and learning to Dad—I do pass him books I think he should read; he’s not yet sent me his book! I know Dad and I have the same knack for sarcasm. Neither of us is great at parties—although I have the slight advantage of also having Mum’s sociable genes; and we’re both habitual conflict-avoiders, which is not always a good thing.

Still, as the first man in my life, Dad must always hold a special place in my heart. As much as I might bristle at some of his comments, it’s all balanced out by the smile and the occasional guffaw at some joke I made, sometimes at his expense. I look at the way he looks at his grandchildren and know that there’s a softie that’s really showing up now. That, and the sheer adoration he has for Mum.

We can’t choose our fathers, but I have to say I have been luckier than most.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

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