Gina Hamadey, author of I Want to Thank You, shares how and why you should adopt your own gratitude habit
A few years ago, Gina Hamadey, a former magazine editor in New York, needed to write 31 thank you notes to fundraiser donors. She decided to fit it in while commuting by train to a consulting gig, rather than scrolling social media feeds and emails. To her surprise, the writing process gave her a sense of calm and focus that felt remarkably positive.
The experience inspired her to embark on a year of handwriting 365 letters, as chronicled in her new book, I Want to Thank You. Each chapter is devoted to a different theme of recipients, including career mentors, neighbours, health workers, local shopkeepers and favourite writers.
Unlike a thank you note—an often obligatory and time-sensitive acknowledgement of a gift—Hamadey’s gratitude letters offered appreciation for something done or said, in some cases, many years ago.
In writing the book, Hamadey consulted with experts and read many studies on gratitude, including research led by Indiana University that found gratitude-letter writing significantly improved the mental health of patients receiving psychotherapy.
“Gratitude is the most powerful tool we have as far as increasing our own happiness,” says Hamadey. “Writing notes means you’re taking those grateful feelings and sharing them with the people responsible. People do respond, and that acts as an incentive to write more.”
While she admits to taking time off after her year-long mission, she’s back at it again: “I just sent out 12 notes to people who made my book launch great.”
Here’s what Hamadey has learned about the benefits of making gratitude letters a habit.
A feel-good exercise in self-care
Sitting with a sheet of paper and a pen and positive, warm, grateful thoughts about someone feels incredibly good. When I do this, I can feel my shoulders relax and my breathing slow. So just the act of writing the notes is incredibly beneficial. It's an immediate mood lifter.
Think about the person and the memory for a minute or two. Then start writing. Don't get caught up in writing beautiful language in beautiful handwriting. Try to write the way you speak. If you make a mistake, cross it out. If you meander, that's fine. Just write from the heart, even if it takes some bravery. Someone may remember the favour you're referring to, but they don't know how it made you feel.
There’s a misconception that gratitude acts as a blanket to other emotions; that being grateful means smiling through the pain and not allowing yourself to feel sad or angry. It's not that at all. Gratitude means feeling all those emotions, and then more easily coming back to a place of warmth and positivity—when you're ready.