The reality is, most people are not aware there is a fourth trimester at all. It is not well acknowledged and so many feel unprepared. We often hear women say "why did no one tell me about this?", or  “I didn't think that would happen to me", or "I didn’t think it would be this hard”. A lack of information along with unrealistic societal depictions of the fourth trimester have left many women feeling alone and confused.

For those that are pregnant and approaching their due date, the last few weeks consist of weekly check-ups and the majority of attention is spent planning for delivery, researching and gathering the baby checklist (crib, bouncer, stroller, carrier, bottles, steriliser, swaddles), finalising the baby name, organising the home or room for the baby, etc.

And for those that have given birth and are in the first few weeks postpartum, any spare time is spent Googling the frequency and appearance of baby poo, newborn feeding schedules, how to bathe and clean a baby’s belly button, the art of burping, how to get a good latch, how to prepare formula, etc.

But, what about the mothers? What about the woman who carried the baby for nine months, birthed the baby and is now on a 24-hour cycle of feeding and caring for them? What preparation is done to get mums ready to navigate the fourth trimester physically, mentally and emotionally?

We can and need to do better at preparing women. This starts with recognising that the first, second and third trimesters, the birth and the fourth trimester are equally important. Knowledge is power, so we ought to help women understand the enormity of bringing a new life into the world, what's "normal", and when and where to get help when it isn’t. This means we need to start talking about the changes to a woman’s body, the first postnatal poo, the challenges around sexual intercourse and intimacy, and the potential for a significant tear or an unplanned C-section. Prolapse, incontinence, haemorrhoids and diastasis (abdominal separation) shouldn’t be taboo or embarrassing to talk about. Mum guilt, a feeling of loneliness, a loss of identity and/or adequacy, struggles with feeding, and birth trauma should be things we can talk about openly.

Everyone's needs are individual, but there are common themes. Here are some of our top tips to help you thrive and not just survive in the fourth trimester:

• Fight the urge to compare
  Just as no two bodies, babies, births or pregnancies are the same, your postpartum journey is specific to you. Do what you need to do and what is best for you. As difficult as it may be, try not to compare yourself to others when it comes to how you’re doing physically, emotionally and/or how your baby is growing, sleeping, feeding, etc. If those mum/due date WhatsApp groups are stressing you out, mute them.
• Avoid feeling shame
  Whether it's struggles with bonding, processing a difficult birth or struggling with postnatal depression, know you are not alone. Many women struggle during this postpartum period, but rarely do they tell others or even admit to themselves that they’re not okay. Postpartum depression affects between 13 and 19 percent of women. There is no shame in finding things a challenge.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help
  Reach out if you’re finding things difficult. Whether that’s to family or friends for some help at home, to food delivery services to ease the load, or to professionals—lactation consultants, midwives, physiotherapists, psychologists—you won’t regret it. Most family and friends are more than happy to help, so give them that opportunity.
• Limit commitments in the early weeks
  It's completely normal to want to share your joy with friends and family, but it can also cause additional stress. Limit visits, and don’t feel like everything has to be perfect when people visit—let guests fit in with your schedule.
• Take the pressure off
  If you’re feeling the need to get back to the gym or go out to baby playgroups, remember that this early period is about rest and recuperation. Take some time out to rest with your legs up and quite literally take the pressure off your pelvic floor.
• Take a minute to breathe
  Breathing has a calming effect on the body and mind by stimulating the vagus nerve. Focus on big inhales and long, slow exhales to help regulate your nervous system. Try doing this while lying on your side to get the added bonus of reconnecting with your core. Relax your belly and pelvic floor as you inhale and gently lift your pelvic floor and feel your lower abs draw in as you exhale. Just a few minutes each day of these breathing exercises can help your recovery significantly.
• Get moving
  Whilst we don't want to overdo it in these early weeks, you also don't have to avoid moving altogether prior to your six week check-up. Gentle exercises like pelvic tilts, cat/cow, and thread the needle make good starting points. Gradually build up to daily walks and some body weight exercises as these can help your body and mind recover. Be sure to get that six week postnatal check by a women’s health physiotherapist before starting higher impact or more intensive activities so you can fully tune in to your new body.
• Know that you are not alone
  Whatever your challenges, understand that you are not alone. There is a village out there waiting to support you.