Cover Why Women Don't Talk Money by Sharon Sim and Serena Wong
Why Women Don't Talk Money by Sharon Sim and Serena Wong
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The authors of the recently published book Why Women Don’t Talk Money discuss their personal financial journeys, how their own relationships with money have evolved, and why we need to break the silence around women talking about money
Our childhood experiences shape us in all sorts of ways. And this is just as true when it comes to our relationship with money.
Sharon Sim’s financial literacy journey started early. Growing up, Sim’s mother was—and at 76 years old still is—a stockbroker, and Sim grew up in the '70s and '80s when Singapore was enjoying high economic growth as one of the four Asian Tigers.
Money was a frequent topic of conversation around the dinner table. But more than just conversation, Sim also felt its impact on her life, and not always positively, at one point having to move to a smaller home due to financial constraints brought on by exposure to market volatility.
“My memories are of money being a double edged sword,” says Sim. “You can make money in the good times, but you can lose it all in a day. And that hammered home a desire to really learn about finance. Money for me has painful memories, but they motivate me to want to be in control of it a bit more.”
Sim pursued finance as a career, starting at Goldman Sachs, during which time she tried to gain an understanding around the psychology of money and investing. “You treat money as your friend. You invest time, you invest effort to keep in touch, to check in, to have this dialogue, and I think it has been a lot better as time progresses,” says Sim of the evolution of her relationship with money. “But I did have this negative connotation with losing money, that insecurity. But insecurity can turn into a motivation to have a better relationship and to take ownership with where you are in your life. It motivated me to really plan.”
At the age of 24, Sim invested in her first property. She says that the responsibility was a lot to take on—a mortgage when you are uncertain whether your job is secure—but she found a way to get comfortable with the risk. “I told myself when I bought my first property that this is the biggest loan I will probably take, but also the biggest investment I will [make] for myself. For me, it was important to have security. I wanted my first home. Those were the motivations I set for myself, and you can only do that when you are very honest with what risk you can take and what outcome you want.”
See also: How to teach children about money and empower them to be financially confident
You can make money in the good times, but you can lose it all in a day. And that hammered home a desire to really learn about finance. Money for me has painful memories, but they motivate me to want to be in control of it
Serena Wong’s relationship with money is different. While she was growing up, there wasn’t much discussion around the topic. Rather, conversation centred on education as a means to climbing the economic ladder. Wong was selected into Singapore’s Gifted Education Programme, and went on to study psychology before joining Singapore sovereign wealth fund GIC, and then going into investment banking and wealth management.
Yet despite so much professional experience and a deep understanding of the theory of money, Wong says she “didn’t have that awakening as early [as Sim].” She says that her personal investment journey only really began in a more structured way in her 40s, when she felt in a more settled place. “I understood myself better. I understood what I wanted, or at least what I didn’t want,” she says. “With regards to money, I knew what my risk-reward appetite was.” In contrast to Sim, she shares that she was 47 when she recently bought her first house.
“The message,” says Wong, “is if you start early, fantastic, but if you start later, it’s not too late.”
Above Sharon Sim
Above Serena Wong
Sharon Sim
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From these diverse perspectives, Sim and Wong, who have known each other since their school days, came together to work on the recently published book, Why Women Don’t Talk Money.
For the book, Sim and Wong interviewed a wide range of women across industries, from finance and fashion to sports and philanthropy, and ranging in age from 21 to almost 70 years old, discussing their personal journeys with money and their money mindset as well as how they value money and what wealth means to them. There is a chapter dedicated to each woman, her experiences, her evolution and her emotions around money.
The goal of the book is to address the discomfort and insecurities that women from all walks of life face around money and examine the role that money and wealth has in their lives, to share their wisdom and to encourage others to break silence on the topic and develop this vital life skill.
“We found we don’t talk to each other,” says Wong. “We found women didn’t talk to women about how much we have in our bank accounts. What are we investing in? What salary are we drawing and is what we are getting market? We want to have more opportunities in a safe space to talk about money to one another. Once it’s out in the open, those elements of fear, shame, discomfort tend to melt away and that’s what we are hoping would be the forward direction of the book.”
See also: How 5 women started investing
"Saving and investing must go hand in hand, because saving in and of itself cannot help us to reach financial independence or financial freedom. We need to make our money work for us, and the quickest journey to that is being able to invest well and over time
Sim and Wong hope that their book will serve as a catalyst to open up conversations around money, wealth and investing. But they also have some takeaways to share from their experience putting the book together.
“Everybody’s personal investing journey is unique,” says Sim. “It doesn’t matter where you start. It’s picking yourself up, even when you lose money. That’s the most challenging bit for a lot of us, especially women, because we hate to fail, and I think we are very afraid to lose money. Everybody is, but I think for us, it hits us more personally. You question yourself—whether you know enough; should you even be making such investments? Overcoming self doubt is important and we have to go through failures as well as wins to get to the steady state. I’m very humble in front of markets because anything can hit us, the next crisis could be just around the corner.”
“As women we live mostly in our head between our ears,” says Wong, who has three main messages to share. “There’s a lot of chatter. We can talk ourselves to inaction. Sometimes that gentle nudge from a friend or hopefully some of these stories [from the book], can help us to pop out of our heads and see a different possibility.
“Secondly, we have a choice. It’s a complex topic, but it’s not difficult. And yes, so much is how we grew up and that money narrative, but we have a choice. If that narrative is serving us, we can keep it, but if it’s not, we can change it. Again, the inspiration and the encouragement in these stories is to help us reflect on our own money narratives.
“Lastly, many women are very good at saving. We can squirrel things away, but from what I’ve heard from the women who have been successful, saving and investing must go hand in hand, because saving in and of itself cannot help us to reach financial independence or financial freedom. We need to make our money work for us, and the quickest journey to that is being able to invest well and over time.”
While Sim and Wong want to open up conversations around money and wealth, they are also clear that women need to take action.
“The biggest hurdle is to get started,” says Wong. “Money is like fitness—it’s muscles that need to be exercised and developed. It’s not something that you have from day one. It’s not something you watch on YouTube and then you just get it. You have to actually do it.”
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Rachel Duffell is regional content director for Power & Purpose, including Front & Female, and former regional content director for Tatler Dining. She is a journalist and editor who has been covering people, gender, impact, leadership, culture and lifestyle for more than 15 years.
