Cover Emman Atienza tells us how she powers through mental health issues by breaking stigmas and empowering the youth through her own virtual platform
Emman Atienza tells us how she powers through mental health issues by breaking stigmas and empowering the youth through her own virtual platform
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Emman Atienza tells us how she powers through mental health issues by breaking stigmas and empowering the youth through her own virtual platform
Trigger warning: This article contains very sensitive topics such as depression, anxiety, abuse, and suicide.
When Emman looks back at her childhood, she does so with eagerness and appreciation for her parents Felicia and Kim Atienza. At a tender age, they introduced her to many forms of art including ballet dancing, singing and gymnastics. For the most part, she can truly say that her parents have given her opportunities from which she draws much of her personality—an “eccentric, quirky friend who gets along with almost anyone,” as she describes.
“My idols have always been my parents. I look up to my father for his creativity, passion and charisma; and my mother for her entrepreneurial instincts, intelligence and resilience,” Emman shares.
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However, as years went by, Emman learnt to perceive the world differently. Her constant exposure to unfiltered social media content has severed her healthy study habits and even connections to friends. Her once lively self eventually “deteriorated”, and her emotions slowly consumed her.
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“Since I was young, I was normalised to the idea of dying, and thoughts of death did not scare me as much as they should. For that, I hold the social media dynamic accountable. In a generation ruled by the internet, it’s hard to avoid sensitive topics. Among us ‘Gen Z’ people, it’s a very common occurrence to hear people say ‘I’m going to kill myself or ‘I’m depressed’ in a satirical manner. Social media gives these types of people a platform to spread this negative mentality. As a pre-teen, I was exposed to these exact suicidal, self-deprecating jokes and more. Overall, the casual mentions of suicide with the added unhealthy beauty standards set by society caused a sense of insecurity in me to fester and opened me to the idea of death,” she explains.
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Her heightened self-awareness also made her process trauma from her past. Looking back, Emman believes that there were other factors from her childhood she might have missed, including assault from one of her guardians.
“Behind closed doors, my childhood nanny would verbally and physically abuse me, threaten my life, and be forcefully intimate—all without my family’s knowledge,” she recalls. “As a child, I was terrified of her and had wrongly believed that she had the power to end my life. The abuse carried on for several years, and I was only able to tell my parents years after she left, as she had threatened to hurt me if I told them. Several years later, I am still affected by her in complex ways.”
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In 2022, she mustered the courage to undergo a psychological evaluation. Her results show that she developed Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), Bipolar Disorder, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) with borderline and paranoid features.
“A hefty list, I’m aware,” Emman says. When she received her diagnosis for the first time, she was in utter disbelief. “The only mental illnesses I knew of were depression and anxiety. Both of which I ruled out. I thought: ‘For one, I was far too eccentric and outgoing to have anxiety. Second, I was extremely happy at times so there’s no possible way I was depressed... right?’ I was stuck.” After learning more about her symptoms, Emman finally found the strength to go down the path of self-acceptance. “When I was reading the symptoms of each disorder and matching them to my own, I had never felt more seen, heard and acknowledged. I felt as if a missing part of myself had just been found, something I desperately attempted to find for many years. When broken down, in fact, these disorders seem less daunting,” Emman says, proceeding with some definitions.
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Mistakenly, CPTSD is often interchanged with PTSD. The classification of CPTSD, however, is the aftermath of repeated trauma while PTSD occurs after a singular traumatic event. Furthermore, the symptoms of CPTSD are far more complex (hence the “C” in CPTSD).
Bipolar Disorder, on the other hand, is a mental disorder that creates a large and unusual shift in mood and productivity in day-to-day life. “It most often consists of a depressive episode [lasting two weeks to a few months] wherein I am extremely depressed to the point at which I cannot function in a daily setting,” she elaborates.
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“One thing I strongly recommend is finding an outlet to discuss your issues. I normally talk to a friend, family member or therapist. Seeing someone else’s perspective always shifts my mood”
Lastly, ADHD is a disorder/developmental disability that affects concentration (focus), ability to stand still, impulse control and more. This can present itself in many ways. “Personally, my impulsivity mainly manifests through retail therapy. For others, it could be several outlets, such as substance abuse, suicidal behaviour, or simply interrupting conversations,” she adds.
Today, Emman copes by embracing the feelings of sadness with much understanding. “Personally, I believe it isn’t much wrong with being sad,” she asserts. “But there is an extent to which it becomes unhealthy—suicidal thoughts, being sad consistently for weeks, not being able to function daily, and more—and that is when coping mechanisms must come into play. One thing I strongly recommend is finding an outlet to discuss your issues. I normally talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Seeing someone else’s perspective always shifts my mood.”
Read more: Mental Health: Does Waking Up Earlier Help Fight Of Depression?
She often releases her frustrations by writing in her journal and creating videos where she can rant and listen to herself. Emman, together with her trusted friends, also opened a small non-profit organisation she called, Mentality Manila. “With the help of Alaire Dominguez, Gian Angeles and Amadine Alcantara, Mentality Manila came to life. Starting with simple online posts and a purely virtual platform, the youth collective is actively progressing into a physical presence to reach the common goal of helping to destigmatise mental health in the Philippines.”
Moreover, she shares, “Additionally, we are in communication with an organisation rehabilitating children of abuse and trafficking to create mental health workshops to teach coping mechanisms and strategies.” As of this writing, Emman and her friends continue to cater to people looking for a safe space. People who wish to join or contribute to Mentality Manila may do so by reaching them through info@mentalitymanila.com.
“I am incredibly thankful to my parents who have been patient with me when my mental health feels unstable. In my darkest times, they’ve been there for me as a shoulder to cry on. On better days, they’ve been there to share a laugh.”
“Mama and Papa, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I love you both to the moon and back. I am so thankful for all you’ve provided for me and I’m sorry I don’t express it enough. You bring out the best in me, and I am so grateful to have you two in my life.”
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Jove holds a degree in Journalism and is currently pursuing graduate studies in Philosophy at the University of the Philippines–Diliman. She has flair for in-depth, interview-driven stories that explore politics and culture, shaped by her background in national broadsheets.
When she’s not on assignment, Jove spends her days painting, sipping lemonade, and walking her dog, Jupiter. She can often be seen in Escolta with a film camera in hand, browsing novelty shops in search of rare memorabilia. For leads, reach her at Jove@tatlerphilippines.com.
