“Don’t be afraid to push for your justice”: Acacia Diana’s story

Previously, taking action against an alleged stalker was difficult when no physical aggression occurred. Today, a legal framework exists that criminalises repeatedly harassing another person, causing them alarm and distress by following them, showing up at their homes, and sending unwelcome messages and materials online, among others. 

“Often we hear of it when it’s too late—when the house has been broken into, when the victim has been physically hurt, or worse,” Acacia says. “I had to make sure my story would not have that kind of ending. Back then, I thought I was only fighting for myself, but I’ve come to realise that the case became a platform for other victims to come forward too.” 

Acacia tells Tatler how she found courage in the fight against this crime, the media’s role in raising awareness of survivors of stalking, and what Malaysians should know about it to help make society a safer place.  

What was your greatest concern in sharing your experience with the public? 

When I shared my story publicly, I did so as a shattered, terrified shell of a person. To keep sharing, it wasn’t a decision I made lightly. It’s a huge burden to have your deepest fears splashed across the news and have your life be a public discussion. Additionally, as a woman, it is so easy to be labelled as hysterical and dramatic or to be accused of ‘asking for it’.

Making sure that the public narrative and mass opinions didn’t swallow me whole required cautiousness. It took every ounce of grace to stay calm, to repeatedly explain all the offending evidence, address all channels properly, and go through each process–mental, emotional, and lawful–to take action.

Please walk us through your thought process when you knew you couldn’t keep silent anymore.

For eight years, my life was shadowed by a man unknown to me, who had made me the object of his obsession. It cumulated to the point where he knew where I lived, had pursued me across the world, and sent me videos of him masturbating to my photos. He persisted under the delusion that we were an item despite my numerous attempts to stop him. To be so blatantly disrespected and violated by a virtual stranger was devastating.

His presence had seeped into every aspect of my life. Notifications would come up every few days from new accounts that he had made, commenting on my photographs or my posts. Every time I looked out the window or stepped outside in public, I had to fortify myself in unrecognisable layers of clothing, wear masks and big coats, and even change my walk—all to avoid him from stalking me to my house. In July 2023, I was due to return to KL for my best friend’s wedding, a happy occasion. But the idea of just being in the same city as him resulted in an anxiety attack.

I couldn’t live my life safely or be happy for my loved ones. I had to constantly be on the alert. I couldn’t do my work as I feared he might find me outside. It was hard to open my phone, at that point my only connection to the world, because of his endless comments. I stayed home most of the time. I lost my sense of self, my personality, my will to pursue my passions, and my ability to socialise. I was caged in a state of fear. When I decided to lay bare to the public, the story of the stalking and harassment that had been plaguing my life, I did so as a last-ditch, desperate cry for help.

Do you have any tips for other women about maintaining safety and security when out in public? 

One, surround yourself with people you love and trust. Having a core support system is important. Let there always be a circle of trust who is aware of your mental state. 

Two, take physical precautions. Make sure that your locations, your activities, and the people involved, are known to someone you trust. I highlight emergency contacts on my phone, I get an awareness of a space, know the nearest police stations, and I alert organisers at my events for the presence of any unwanted guests. 

Three, keep note of important information. If someone does something aggravating against you, record their details (social media account names, messages, comments, type of clothing, car model, associates, etc.), including time, location and date, as proof for any future reference. This may be tedious, but these details may serve you in the long run and act as hard facts during a potentially emotional period. 

Four, know your values. Remind yourself of your higher purpose. Reacting to an aggravator in the heat of the moment or stooping down to their level by lashing out is a waste of time. Do not lose your sense of self or strength because a person decides to abuse you. Do not allow a person to harass you long enough that you feel you need to act ugly in return. Instead, stop engaging immediately.

What are some ways that media coverage can raise awareness of stalking without affecting survivors negatively? 

There is a certain fragility that comes with engaging victims of abuse. While news headlines strive to grab attention and emotionally draw in readers, journalists should be aware of the story’s framing. Do be cautious of the terms being used, and don’t over-sensationalise someone’s grief. There was one article out there that focused on my depressive state (as the effect of the stalking). I remember seeing it and feeling worse, not better. There should’ve been more emphasis on hope and the future actions in regards to the law to fix the situation. 

It took a lot in me to transfer my headspace from ‘victim’ to ‘survivor’. I knew that for change to happen, I needed to keep fighting to make sure that people kept paying attention and parties were being responsible. It was a conscious juggle of communicating with authorities, relevant ministries, and updating the public to keep the interest and accountability. If I had succumbed to giving up at the time, not cooperating with all parties, this would’ve been a very different story.

Who or what was your greatest source of strength through this ordeal?

This outcome is the hard work of multiple parties—my lawyer Jason Wee for taking correct actions, the dutiful paper and groundwork from PDRM, kind support and personal updates from the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development, the response from the Ministry of Communications and Digital, and so many other organisations who fought for a key law to be enacted, including the Women’s Aid Organisation.

My greatest source of strength were my closest circle of loved ones, and the knowledge that victims deserve to be protected. That’s why the law is in place. While systems may not be perfect, there is an active progress towards attaining safety. With every new case that gets reported and put to trial, the particular law gets stronger. So, do not be afraid to push for your justice.

How do you think we can all do our part to protect women, girls and even men from this crime? 

If you happen to know of a person suffering from this kind of invisible abuse, lend a hand of kindness and strength to them. Some victims may not have the resources to get action to be taken, so take accountably and act accordingly. Push them to meet authorities if you have to, call out perpetrators on their behalf if need be, and seek advice from aid organisations. Society functions well when everyone watches out for one another.

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