Cover Kiara, Veera, Vihari and Drissh Poddar
Kiara, Veera, Vihari and Drissh Poddar
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As a working mum-of-three juggling her jewellery business and motherhood, Vihari Poddar shares the values that shape her parenting style
Growing up, Vihari Poddar was always close to her mum. The founder of Vihari Jewels describes her mother as “a woman of strength, a woman of sacrifice, and someone who can tolerate any situation with patience”.
She has always taught Vihari to put family first, before her business or anything else. And while Vihari has adopted many of her mother’s parenting values and habits, the working mum-of-three is raising children in a different generation, and has also had to figure many things out on her own.
Reflecting on her motherhood journey so far as well as her own upbringing, Vihari shares the most important lessons learnt from navigating her own style of parenting while striving to build the same close-knit bonds with her kids that she shares with her mum.
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Above Kiara, Veera, Vihari and Drissh Poddar
Kiara, Veera, Vihari and Drissh Poddar
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Don’t place unnecessary pressure on your kids
“My mum was very liberal with our education. It never mattered if we weren't getting A’s, she always said, ‘All I need is for you children to be happy and your mental space needs to be good’. She made decisions based on how we were and not what she wanted us to be. So, in school I played tennis, basketball, badminton and I didn't have any pressure growing up to have to be the smartest kid. Similarly, I do not pressure my children because if I did and they didn't live up to my expectations, it’s only going to make me upset. So, I let my kids choose what they want, but I also try to guide them from a young age because eventually in life, I would like them to be independent and make their own decisions without having to depend on me.”
Keep your children close
“I think the biggest most important thing as a mum is to be able to see where a child is going in life. If you ever see that the child is falling or having some sort of issue, you have to be able to notice it. My mum was always there; not physically with me 24/7, but she was always there without us knowing. Parents cannot always be with their children at all times but you must always know what they're doing. Whether that's getting to know your children’s friends’ or getting to know their mothers, it’s important to me not because I want to manage who they are hanging out with, but to make sure that if there is any issue, and my child is not telling me, I'll be able to catch it and help them out.”
Discipline with love and affection
“I do discipline my kids, especially where food, health or behaviour is concerned. But I will not use force or anger. I have to use love and affection because that's the language that they understand. And sometimes kids, like adults, just have bad days. But they don't know what to do and they can't express it. They don't understand these feelings that they have and this is where you as a parent come in. It can be something as small as they didn't like the lunch they had at school and they get cranky, so maybe then I make them their favourite snack and everything is okay. Because I spend so much time with them and I know their habits, it’s mother's intuition to know how to fix things when they act up.”
Know when and how to push your children
“I enrolled both my oldest daughter Kiara and my son Drissh in a Chinese immersion programme at their school, where they take their subjects in Chinese. I wasn’t sure about it at first but they both wanted to do it. Sometimes my daughter will say, “Mummy I think I want to go back to English”. But when I talk to her teacher, she says Kiara is brilliant and doing very well. And when I ask Kiara why she wants to switch to the English programme, she says it’s because it’s easier. So, I know it’s not because she cannot do it but because she wants the easier route and that’s when I have to intervene and remind her: “You’re very smart, don’t waste your talent. Don’t take the easy way out when you have this opportunity and others may not”. So then she understands and agrees. But at the same time, if they don’t have the talent in something, we need to accept that and not force them.”
Seek balance, not perfection
“I am no superwoman. As a working mum, if I did not have help from my husband or my parents, I would not be able to do what I do. It takes a village and I cannot do it myself. But you also need to find that balance for yourself and understand that you will fall short somewhere and you have to accept that. With maturity and age, I have started to accept that I cannot always do everything completely and it’s fine. If you cannot do something this time, you can always revisit it and nobody's going to judge you. A lot of times you need to pick between work or your child and those decisions are based of sacrificing something. I don't think there will ever come a day where I will feel totally balanced, but we try our best and we don't need to prove it to anyone else.”
Quality time and communication are key
“The sense of fulfilment and achievement you feel when your children have come to you with a problem and ask for help tells you that you’re a successful parent and you’ve done something right, because they confide in you. When I can, I put my kids to bed every night and from 7.45pm to 8.15pm we will talk about anything under the sun. They will tell me what their problems are, some funny stories from school, so I'm always aware of what's going on. This is why communication is very important. When you give children your time, they give you everything. And this is a ritual that I've always done with them, after which we will meditate for five minutes before we sleep. And if they have anything negative in their minds or they have some hatred against a friend, I will tell them we need to let it go. The day is over, tomorrow's a new day. The sun rises again. So, I teach them to be positive and forgiving.”
Annabel Tan is the Editor of Watches and Jewellery at Tatler Singapore, where she covers all things luxury timepieces and fine jewellery across both print and digital platforms. She is also the Editor of Tatler GMT Singapore, a role that deepens her fascination with the ever-evolving world of watchmaking. Outside of work, she’s usually on the hunt for her next favourite watch that she can’t afford, planning her next beach getaway, or catching up on the latest Formula 1 race.
