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You may have heard of love languages—but did you know there are apology languages as well? Read on to find out yours
It’s easy to misunderstand people—even those we love and hold dear. While some may think love languages are all they need to know, others understand that it’s also important to identify apology languages. This concept comes as a parallel to love languages, where it’s important to understand how people express themselves. Understanding your partner’s, parent's, or friend's apology language (as well as your own) can make reconciliation much easier for both sides. Here are the different kinds:
Read more: 5 Love Languages For Couples: How To Show Appreciation The Right Way
1. Expressing regret
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It may seem like common sense, but expressing regret is a very important apology language for some people. This doesn’t simply mean saying “I’m sorry”, it means expressing to the person you've faulted that you’re sorry for a particular action and you understand the hurtful effects it may have caused. Sincerity is key in expressing regret, so it’s best to leave out any form of “buts” when apologising this way. Instead, do your best to validate the hurt you’ve caused and express genuine regret that you’ve done so whether intentionally or unintentionally.
2. Accepting responsibility
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Accepting responsibility for one’s mistakes is oftentimes difficult, but for the people they’ve wronged, it’s often an integral part of the forgiveness process. Accepting responsibility is very straightforward; the person with this kind of apology language doesn’t want to hear excuses. They want to hear one acknowledge one’s faults. Oftentimes, it may help for a person to apologise with the words “I shouldn’t have done that”, “I was wrong”, or “I have no excuse”. Owning up to a fault may be embarrassing or awkward but it’s a good first step towards repairing a relationship.
3. Genuine repentance
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Genuine repentance comes with a change of behaviour. For this kind of apology language, people often think “sorry” is not enough. There has to be a plan or change of action to prove that one is sincerely sorry. This is likely to be the apology language of someone who appreciates action over words, or someone who appreciates meaningful change.
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4. Making Restitution
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A person whose apology language is making restitution will often find a way to make their wrong into a right. The best example of this kind of apology language is when you break, lose, or damage something that isn't yours. Aside from saying “sorry”, it’s also important to replace or fix that item for the person to whom it belongs. In more serious cases, it’s best to make it up to the person as well and try to improve the situation as best you can.
5. Requesting forgiveness
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Requesting forgiveness is an important apology language because it allows the person who's been wronged to process the situation. Aside from apologising, ask him/her “Can you forgive me?”. This gives the hurt party more of a feeling of control over the situation. If done sincerely, it also allows them the space needed to process the situation, be on their own, and possibly even reject an apology if that’s what they feel is right for them.
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