Hailing from Olongapo City, Jayson studied industrial design at the Mapua Institute of Technology in Manila under a scholarship programme from the PVAO. When he was younger, he showcased his artistic talents in contests such as poster-making, photojournalism, and parol-making. Art was his outlet and passion. He carried with him the wisdom of his mother, a housewife, and the artistic inclinations of his father, a photographer, who passed away in 2017 and 2018, respectively.

His humble beginnings compelled him to work harder, doing odd jobs and different sidelines to finance his stay in Metro Manila and his initial immersion into working life. He worked at a dining outlet, then became a barista, bartender, and even a call centre agent to support himself and his family. Then he met Raymund, whom he started working for and eventually fell in love with. Together, they built Portfolio Studio in 2012, catering photography services to their clientele in the fashion, entertainment, and retail industries, to name a few.

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When COVID-19 hit the world in 2020, the couple decided to get vaccinated in the US. They couldn’t wait any longer for the Philippine government’s implementation of the vaccination for non-essential workers and those without co-morbidities. During the series of city-wide quarantines, Jayson picked up his brush and started painting again after a long time. 

He first painted Eat Shit and Die (pictured above), an acrylic work as an ode to the pandemic and socio-political events that propelled it. Raymund had seen it, though it was still in its draft then.

“Raymund wasn’t vocal in expressing his admiration for it. He just supported my reignited passion for painting. He would do the laundry and let me paint in peace. He also suggested some things for me to paint. He didn’t stop me nor discouraged me,” Jayson shared.

When they reached California and got vaccinated, the idea of marriage came into their minds, seeing the uncertainties of the period. They tied the knot in Las Vegas on July 15, 2021. Piolo Pascual, who was in America then to promote his Netflix film, witnessed the wedding.

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What could have been a joyous celebration suddenly turned sour as Raymund contracted COVID two days after the wedding. Barely a week later, he was hospitalised, shocking Jayson to his core. 

They flew back to San Francisco, where they stayed, and Raymund’s symptoms worsened. He was admitted to the emergency unit. His oxygen levels at that time were okay. He was allowed to go home as the hospital was filled with patients still. “His symptoms worsened daily, up to the point where his hand darkened. He was panicking then, and so we called 911,” Jayson courageously recalled the events for the press members.

At that time, hospitals were strict in their protocols for COVID-19 patients, which gave Jayson difficulty in comforting and taking good care of Raymund. He was also COVID-19 positive and trying to recover at home. He felt Raymund’s fear then because he was carried into the ambulance alone. “And I knew him as a ‘baby boy’ when he would get sick,” he said. “He would sweetly call me ‘Tito Jayson’ and ask for things to make him comfortable. I couldn’t do all that then.”

He tried assuring Raymund that he would follow him to the hospital. But deep down, doubts and fear of the uncertain crept into him. He knew it was a promise impossible to fulfil.

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Faith and commitment

For weeks since his recovery, Jayson tried visiting Raymund and fervently prayed in St Patrick’s Church in San Francisco, California. Three religious images were his refuge: the Nazareno, the Divine Mercy, and the Our Lady of Guadalupe.

The Nazareno is a religious sculptural image of Jesus Christ carrying the cross, wearing a crown of thorns, and in red garments as depicted in the Scripture. But in Philippine culture, the Nazareno meant more than that. For centuries, it has been a central figure in the faith life of Filipino Catholics worldwide, especially those who take the painstaking pilgrim walk to Quiapo Church during its feast. It has been long believed to be miraculous, with countless testimonials of answered prayers.

“The only thing I’m afraid of now is losing my faith,” Jayson said. “To catch even just a glimpse of your spouse, you would do anything. Anything.”

In a desperate attempt to be with his husband, Jayson sought the help of a Filipino nurse to sneak him to the ICU. He wore full PPE, a staff ID, and entered through the employees’ access. “I knew his face would light up when he saw me,” he recalled, eyes welling with tears.

Raymund regained the courage to fight for his life when he reunited with Jayson. August 2 and 3 were the last two days Jayson saw his husband awake and quite energetic. He relentlessly stood by him in the ICU for 10 to 12 hours each day—without restroom breaks.

“‘You’re the best thing that happened to me,’” Jayson recalled Raymund saying. A day later, he saw Raymund getting intubated.

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The recently debuted artist admitted that he was in denial then, hoping Raymund would survive the ordeal. After his husband’s passing, he was still stuck in the US due to travel restrictions, so he continued visiting the church and praying amid the darkness he felt. Thankfully, Raymund’s sister flew to the US, to accompany and guide him, and to face what was perhaps the most significant loss he had experienced in his life. He went home to the Philippines—a COVID-19 survivor and newly married—but carrying the ashes of his beloved husband.

The presence and support of his and Raymund’s families helped Jayson brave the challenges he faced and not lose his spirituality, this he shared with Tatler. Raymund’s nieces and nephews, who grew close to Jayson, held Novena prayer sessions via Zoom. 

“Many things diverted my attention from dwelling on those sombre emotions. If not for our families, I wouldn’t have come out of it,” he said.

Jayson shared that when someone goes through depression, there would be times he would be deep in thought, reminiscing the saddest memories and feeling how painful the experiences felt. There is also the possibility of turning violent because there would be so much hate they would feel towards the world, fate, and the people. Slowly, they would be indifferent, and inflicting pain towards others would be ecstatic.

And so, it is crucial for them to feel their friends’ and families’ presence and support. They are not alone in facing their problems. People may see diversion as an escape hatch, but it could be helpful when trying to avoid emotions, sensations, and memories that could further destroy you.

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Out of the shadows

I interviewed Sir Raymund for a story about a BL series he and Jayson loved watching during the pandemic. Raymund’s photoshoot for the second season and film version of that series was his last project before succumbing to the disease. Few people then knew Jayson’s existence or role in Raymund’s life. Those who knew him would be surprised how Jayson has changed since the pandemic and his husband’s passing. He looks healthy and fit, more stylish even, with coloured hair and tattoos beautifully scattered all over his body. He seemed different but with the same glow in his eyes, now with faint brushstrokes of sadness. He talks more now to people and goes out with friends and family as much as he can.

Ultimately, he has a new sense of direction in his life, which is towards self-improvement, building his career, and continuing his passion. But among all other things, “I will never ever forget Raymund,” he said.

“We’ve been together for 12 years. I got used to living with him. Then, all of a sudden, I went home without him there. I didn’t know what to do except cry,” Jayson said.

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He turned to finishing Eat Shit and Die, and after that, he felt a sense of rush and excitement in turning his pain into art. With his photographic memory of the Nazareno, after praying to it very intimately for as many times as he could remember, he could paint a detail of its robe and rope. Months later, he finished 11 paintings of saints and Marian titles he and his family prayed to during Raymund’s hospitalisation. All the paintings are details of such religious images, primarily to veer away from their traditional depiction and show which areas in their photos Jayson focused his eyes when he prayed for Raymund.

Knowing the creative process and the stories behind them, the paintings evoke powerful energies—a fusion of Jayson‘s pain, hope, love, and surrender to the Divine.

He also painted details of their wake portraits to remember his loved ones, whose passing was the precursor to the pivotal chapter in his life. He immortalised on his canvases Raymund’s brother, his mother and father, Raymund’s mother, and Raymund himself. When nearly every year since 2016 has been defined by a loss and punctuated by the greatest one yet, Jayson held onto his faith and the memory of his family. Magnified details of buttons, zippers, prints, and fabrics revealed the worn character of the dead as to how Jayson knew them.

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Now, Jayson has reopened the studio as Cafeteria Studios, continuing the legacy of his husband and gradually discovering and showcasing his undeniable talent.

“All my life, I’ve devoted myself to my loved ones. This time, I’m focusing on myself and my happiness. I want to continue making art and exploring mediums like oil, sculpture, furniture, and whatnot. I’m already preparing my next series of paintings. If this [Fidem] is about faith, the next is life.”

For the idea that art cannot feed one’s life, that it is an unprofitable career, Jayson thought otherwise. “It has saved me. Literally, saved me.”

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