My boyfriend Rony’s sister, Angel, gave me this card game called Our Moments to play with the kids, where we read a question together and answered it. Lucian, my son, read, “What is one dream you wish would come true?” And answered, “That you and I would live forever.” The infinite love and joy that comes out of that boy still amaze me. It justifies everything I have done in the last decade. However, his answer also illustrates some of the challenges I am facing or will face.

For one, he has a twin sister, Lilith, whom he does not wish to grant the same immortality to. I have found that increasingly, in the last few years, my job as a father to eight-year-olds is to act as a referee. On their last day of Zoom class before the break, they came to blows in front of their teachers and other classmates because they both wanted the bottle of glue for their art project. Schools are wise in separating siblings into different classes, but that’s not an easy option for homeschooling, with one person watching over them. An hour later, or sometimes just ten minutes later, they are back to whispering in each other’s ear with arms on their shoulders.

One thing I have found very helpful in cultivating individual relationships with them is to travel with one at a time, whenever possible. Last month, Rony had a job in the UAE, so I used that as an excuse to take Lucian on a trip after being on lockdown since March, to a country where he is allowed to eat in restaurants and enjoy museums and amusement parks. Lilith counts the days I spend with Lucian and demands equal time. To match Dubai, I took her to The Farm at San Benito earlier this month, and next month, I’ll take her to Boracay. But she still demands a trip to Dubai, which may happen within a year, thanks to my partner’s work.

We’ve been together over four years,
my longest relationship by far, but Rony’s bond with the kids proceeds in unexpected bursts